Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Update.....
Hey There, Yes I know I should have written a while back about the outcome of our chat, but I didn't! Because I finally told him about it yesterday....and to my surprise he didn't get mad...but to more of my surprise...he didn't say much at all. I wanna make the excuse that he was just letting it all soak in...but nope....all he said was is there dope you can take for it...yes but I won't, and then he said well I am still going to force you out of the house when I think you need it! And that was the end of it! Then this morning after his little fit (long story) he threw it up in my face. We were suppose to go to see a couple of houses today...BUT Zach is sick so we didn't go...and he said well are you sure he is sick or is this that thing you were telling me about yesterday. I blew a gasket....and thats when it hit me...this is why I haven't ever told him. THAT right there...it just gives him something to use against me....I called him everything but a white guy...I was so mad at him and I am still not real happy with him. I am hurt and I don't get over that very easy....I get way upset and I just hold onto that...I don't know if he meant it to be hurtful, but there was no apology for it and no looks of remorse about it either. So therefore I believe he meant to hurt me with it. He hasn't called today, which is strange he usually calls by now...I did however call him earlier to let him know I got the meeting rescheduled...and there was no happiness and excitment. Just ok whatever. Personally I don't think it is all me....I think he is hating not being able to go on the road...I think this manual labor business is bugging him, not knowing how much he is gonna get paid for all of this...stuff like that. BUT he is the only one that can control that...so I am out! Anyways....I better run...won't be around much for the next few days, my best friend from Texas and her daughter are coming in to visit for a few days. Thanks to everyone for all your wonderful support and understanding. You have no idea how great it feels to be able to have someone to talk to. God knows he isn't gonna be supportive....he said he doesn't understand why I think it is a big deal....maybe I shouldn't hide my next anxiety attack from him and let him see that it is a big deal. But then he will just bug me to get on something for it...because that is the answer to everything....take a pill! Love to all..Shan
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4 comments:
Oh Shan, I'm sorry that he threw that in your face, that is so not okay. Your poured your heart out to him and you deserved better than that. I hope that he can see what he did was not okay and apologize but I know what how that goes too. Not like Robb and I don't have our problems. I'd be really upset and hurt too and I also don't get over those things easily. Man I wish I was there to shake some sense into him. I hope work comes soon so he can feel better about that, I know how much it affects Robb when he is that kind of situations, that is exactly what happened to us the other night. When they can't control those things they don't know what to do, almost like they are a wild animal that has been caged and trying to escape. HUGE BIG HUGS. Call me or write me or whatever, I am here for you. I hope you have a wonderful visit with your friend.
I am honestly ok...we had a talk about it the other night and his blowing me off is because he doesn't understand....I told him I had something I wanted him to read, which is my diagnoses. I still have those papers filed away under C...imagine that...LOL
Someday we will have a moment or two to actually let him read it....I tried pretty hard to explain it and so did someone else to him, but he just doesn't understand. Blowing me off is so much better than telling me he doens't get it! We will see what happenes.
Thanks Jenn.....I appreciate all your support! Shan
Well I'm glad that he at least told you he didn't understand, better then not caring! I hope that very soon he can read your diagnoses so that he can understand better what you are dealing with and going through.
Oh and gotta love the new picture. Shelby and her AC/DC shirt. I heard Big Balls on the radio the other day and totally thought of you and had a good laugh on my way home from work. She sure does look like you. Soccer season coming so close again? Wow, you have a busy schedule ahead I'm sure. Hope you have a great weekend.
Big Balls?
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