My Little sister
As all of you know I have two sisters. Amanda and Denise. Amanda is 7 years younger than I am and denise is 9!
When I was 15 I moved out of the house and things pretty much went to crap with my sisters, well for a while that is till I wasn’t the bad sis anymore! *insert eye roll*
Amanda moved out of moms house when she was 14 and moved to
That left Denise to be stuck in the middle of mom and dad and their divorce. She didn’t handle it well…buy this time she was 13 and hormones and woman in our family just don’t handle that stuff well…. Anyways after a few years of going back and forth from mom and dad and their new people in their lives….she decided to come and live with me. Which was great.
We bumped heads and such for the most part things were good though. She was going though the aches and pains of growing up and figuring shit out….we needed each other. BUT then we began WE not just me or her WE began to take advantage of each other….she couldn’t take it anymore so I backed off….let her be a kid. Then she went with mom to
She came back and we all were living happly ever after until the morning of January 5th! Then our lives BLEW UP! She lost the one person I think she felt got her….and I lost the one person I knew didn’t get me but pushed me to be what I was! And that at the time had to be the best of everything!
I can honestly say…that conversation was the hardest one I have ever had to have in my whole life. She knew something was wrong and I put the damn thing off as long as I could! She did take it better than I thought she would! If any of you have ever had to have the conversation with a sibling you know how awful it is. I saw the rest of her innocence die that day. I saw an anger well up in her that I had never seen before, but surely felt as much as she did. We had the same mom, but we didn’t! So our griefs were totally different! But there was one thing that was exactly the same….that was the day that changed OUR lives forever and we will never be who we were when we woke up that morning. She and I have since talked about it and we both know there is a lot there that neither one of us has dealt with. And I am not sure it is in us to deal with it.
Let me tell ya a thing or two about our mom. She taught us to smile even when you don’t want to. She told us all men were worthless pigs. She did try with us, but her feelings on life and how distorted she was about things really rubbed off on us! So when you are around us and stupid shit flies out of our mouths please know…we are trying to change our programming!
Anyways months after mom died things came to a head with her…and we fought…and not that I am throwing you out of the house bull shit….it was knock down drag out fight! Something neither one of us are proud of. I know I am not! It was wrong…we used violence to deal with one another…her inabliltiy to take anything serious and my inability to realize she didn’t need me to be her mom…she needed me to be her sister! Which I hope I have done a better job of it since!
When we decided to move to
Well now it is her time to leave. It is her time to spread her wings and try to fly! Vega isn’t a place you can soar in! BUT it is a place you can soar out of! And I know deep down this is what is the best for her. 750 miles away is a heartbreaker…. And I know how scared she is…and I know the what ifs that are going though her head. Sheesh they went though mine not even a year ago! And most of my what ifs have happened.
So my advice to her would be…don’t dwell on the what ifs…the more you dwell on the the more they are likely to happen! I remember the first time I moved away from
Those first holidays away from everyone…they are so damn depressing…hell those others that you have been away for again are still hard.
Denise is a good person…she will find her place in the world….and it doesn’t have to be shoved up my ass! Just as Amanda has….she has to go and be and do and get hurt and be disappointed and feel the victory when that one day things actually begin to click! She isn’t my little sister anymore, she is a grown woman who is in love with her man….and I believe her man is in love with her! With that in her life, there are no limits!
It is hard for me to see her leave…but I know it has to be done! We will just have to make more of an effort to see one another! Email phones faxes and such…those are what will keep us well us!
When you are the big sister, who had to assume a roll you were not prepared to take, it is so damn hard to make sure you draw that line. Between sis and mom! I sure hope I have done her some justice!
Love ya necy…I am gonna miss ya!! I love ya sooo much!
