HELL HELL HELL

OK I know I havent been to clear on what the hell is going on with me....so here goes the very short of the very long of it.....

Back in 1999 my mother met some man off the internet from New Hampshire...well they came up with this plan to meet in C-Bus OH....at some gas station.....well they never met up there....she and my sister were living with me in Shawnee OK! Well long story short on that....she ended up missing my sisters first day of Jr High and I had to buy her school supplies at midnight the night before school started, and she went back to Joplin MO to meet this man!

They get back to my house the next day she calls me at work and I said no way in hell is this man I dont know staying in my house.....she says well Iwill get you back for this.....AND WOW did she!

She showed at my house a few days laters smacked me down to the ground, mind you I am a 22 year old mother of three with all my kids in the house, and she hold me down, spits in my face smacks me a few more times and BOOM it is over, DJ picks her up and puts her out....

Well sometime after this apparently this man beat her....the cops are called and she tells them I did it! I didn't fucking touch her....I spent years and years and years getting my ass beat and never touched her!
Anyways.......I unknown to me, was charged with assult and battery and malicious destruction of property.....which I didn't do!

I just found out about this a couple of months ago and found out that there was a bench warrant for me.....so on May the 8th I went and had that lifted and got a court date for yesterday....I wasn't able to gain an attorney in any way shape form or fashion! The judge gave me 30 minutes to get my kids somewhere and get a bond, he was revoking my bond for violating a court order.....not sure exactly what order that was because in the US you can represent yourself...not something I would recommend but when all else fails!!! Anyways....I freak get it all done and he lets me go...approves me for a court appointed attorney and my next court date will be July 6th! Which I can't be here for but the lawyer can ask for a trail by jury or non jury if needed! And I dont' have to be there!

Hopefully it wont' go that far! I am hoping they will take one look at this and realize my mother is dead they have no one to testify and there may be pics but that is it...that doesn't prove anything!!!! I didn't do this and I could have plead out yesterday and had it done...BUT I am not going to do it...I didn't do this and I am not going to take the blame for it!!!!!


So that is my life as it sits right now! I have never felt more like the scum of the earth than I did yesteday!!! It sucked so bad, and to have the Mistress of Satan piss out of me....well lets just say....that put the cherry on the top of my Shit sunday......Watching my kids bawl and freak over the thought of having to watch Mommy go to jail, when they know mommy didn't do it....listening to my daughter gasp in the court room and having everyone turn and look at her....it was like my whole life was on display! Thanks Winnie for putting your Grandchildren though more shit!!!! TYPICAL....hope you NEVERMIND you are not worth another thought!

DJ ended up getting his load changed and being there with me! No I haven't totally broke down yet, I did kinda yesterday, but I just won't...she doesn't get my tears anymore....just aint happening!!!! All her photos and things are put up...I dont' want to see her or think about her! Yes I know some people are going to tell me that is not good!

I will let these people know this...I spent 27 years being held in her prison! Yes she actually told me more than once I can be your friend or I can be your warden! And all I wanted was a mom!

All I have ever wanted was NORMAL parents! Someone to love me regardless.....and she might have and Yano she told me once before she died.....that no matter what she does to me I will always love her because she is my mother! Well....I may love her, in a fucked up warped kinda way, but I do not like her at all!

Years and years and years of abuse and in the end, there never was an Im sorry....there wasn't even a warning that this was going to happen!!!! She did get the last word...being dead!!!! So typical!

Yes I will find the humor in this some day I am sure! But right now I am full of hurt and anger and discontentment for her! I will forgive someday I know I will.....But today isn't that day!

Anyways there it is!!! love hugs and all that good stuff to everyone who called and was there for me yesterday!!! I dont know what the hell I would have done without y'all!!!!!! I learned yesterday that people do actually give a crap!!! Crazy as it was...NONE of them were MY family! Not my sisters, not my aunts not my grandparents not my uncles......NONE of them bothered to find out...Just my friends, and DJs family!

I want to say a special thanks to Monte and Brenda for coming to get the kids for me and calming them down! I dont know what I would have done if y'all hadnt been there! Thanks!!! Shan