They had talked me into going and getting some guy friend of theirs, unknown to me it was their dealer. I freaked when I got back to the house and he pulls out this bag of stuff...crack, but I was so much out of the loop I had no idea what it was....well they all start getting their spoons ready, I mean it was worse then a day care at breakfast. I was shocked really....well I went to the bathroom and his mother followed me in there...now please remember A she hates me, and B he isnt anywhere around, he was on the road in Arizona at this time. Long story short, because I don't wanna get into it at this point, she held me down and tried to stick a needle in my arm....I flipped. I had never done anything like that before and had no desire to start now....what the hell is happening to me is all I could think. Geeze she told me all kinds of stuff....DJ does it with us, and still to this day I can't say yes or no about that, he said no at the time but then again he would come home eyes as big as saucers and tell me he was sober minded....anyway...she told me that his uncle had told her that she saw me doing this....I had never...and BTW I never have and NEVER will! His uncle, JR, was actually the one who walked in the bathroom and made her stop....I tried to leave, they were convinced that I was going to turn them in....so they wouldn't let me leave, I called DJ and he said to wait till they passed out and get the hell out of there. Geeze I can say this is conjuring up more emotion in me than I expected it to. BUT I have to remember we were both young and dumb and stupid and didn't realize what this really meant and what we really meant to one another. He pretty much blew me off that night....and I was heartbroken by his non caring attitude towards me. BUT then again there were things happening behind the scenes that I didn't know.
OK so JR stays next to me all night tweaking his ass off making sure they don't mess with me or my kids. First light, I packed up EVERY BIT OF EVERYTHING I could into my jeep with room for two car seats and got the hell out!!!! I went to Vega....where my mom was....I was scared I didn't know what to do and I had no clue what I was doing. I was so lost..and I think about it now and there are a thousand and one things I would have done differently. Well I end up in Oklahoma, with DJ...he made no bones at letting me know he didn't want me there. There was someone else he had his eye on and having me around was screwing that up and besides it made him look bad with his dad. 100% of me didn't give a ratts booty! I was staying put and he was going to HELP ME....well he was on the road on night and this other gal and I got to talking, and she asked me if I cheated on DJ all the time? I said no..which I didn't. She said well that isnt' what he told me...HA! Really.....ok. Why did y'all even talk about that. Well she had big boobs and was well exactly what he would have liked at the time. I have no doubt in my mind that things happened between the two of them...so much so, that I have never asked or said a word to either one of them. Sad isn't it.
We got an apartment, and I loved it..he was gone A LOT, and I was living in a place around a bunch of people my age which was great. Till Zach went to Texas to stay for a while with his father. Well he ended up getting an infection in his port and was awfully sick...so I took a bus to Amarillo, because we didn't have a car, and got to the hospital to NOT see his father there again though the entire thing! HE did this to him and I had to come in and clean up the mess! AND YES people, it wasn't Michael per say it was his wife, although I don't think they were married at the time. The doctor stated and I still have a written statement from him, that her inability to give him his meds correctly directly resulted in his infection. Yeah take me to court! (sorry) Anyways....I didn't see DJ from pretty much the 4th of July till the second weekend in August...I have no idea what he was doing other than working but he did spend sometime at home too...Lets just say I don't wanna know. He showed up in Vega over round up weekend. (I will explain that some other time) And low and behold a month and a week makes people do things like Create a new baby! LOL Yes this is where Lane comes in the picture! I didnt go home right away...in fact I stayed in Vega for almost another month. Finally Zach was released from docs care and we got to go home. Even though I didn't know he wasn't paying the rent while I was gone so there was a lot of catching up to do when I got home. Then it was time to work on me and him....trust was a HUGE issue for us and we had long long long talks about it and he admited at this time that he had slept with someone OK I gotta agree with Anna she and I have slept together, THEY didn't sleep together he fucked her! And she this other girl NOT ANNA, was suppose to be my friend...MY FRIEND...actually funny thing about that girl, I had known her since she was about 4 years old, she is Michaels neice. Ironic isnt it...that is what happens when you live in a small town. He admited it to me...then told me a few hours later, DO not hold this over my head! SO I bottled that anger for him up and pretended to be happy, after all three days later, I found out I was pregnant with Lane.
My pregnancy with Lane was full of ups and downs....mostly downs, but I was pregnant again and all was gonna be good! Things were going alright here in Oklahoma, we had our apartment and things were ok there, money was tight but money was always tight, and he was working hard and I was very proud of him...he took me having a child pretty serious. THEN it happened, another one of those moments when you think..Yep that changed everything. At thanksgiving of 1998 he decided again that we were moving...AGAIN....yes again...he up and quit his dad, with no warning, which really made me mad...but what do ya do. He found out his mother had hep c. And he thought he needed to be there to help take care of her. To be honest, I dont know if she does have it...sometimes I wonder, no one with that diesase can do what she has done to her body and not have some problems with it. ANYWAY...that is neither here nor there. So we move back to Vega....at least I was gonna get to have the same doc with Lane as I did for zach and shelby! We moved back....his mom was still real deep into crack, I am not sure what Johnny was doing...BUT I do know the entire place was a mess. Anna showed up for Thanksgiving with Regina....she and I started becomming really close. Life was so screwed around there...NO ONE was working...I dont know how we were all making it...I tried to get a job and I ended up getting pretty sick. So I couldn't do it.
Christmas 1998....ok Anna and I can laugh about this Christmas now...BUT at the time...Honestly I am sitting here chuckling over the whole damn thing! It was the stupidest day I have ever had in my whole life. Looking at it now....I got so upset over something I had NO NONE NOT A DAMN BIT of control over. LOL Christmas Eve, my dad came and got us, me, DJ and the kids, we went to my moms apartment in Amarillo...had supper, it was awesome with a BONELESS HAM, lol (love ya mom) and it was just great. She got me a Noahs ark cookie jar, that I still have and NO ONE touches. As it was that was a wonderful time...my parents, my sister, (amanda had already split) my kids and most of all my husband AWAY from his family! Totally differnt guy I can say! Anyway, Christmas morning was normal, because we had it at our house, me and him and the kids, I couldn't tell you what any of us got but I can say it was normal. THEN we went down to the big house. Chaos...utter and total chaos....I dont' know what all happened that day, I do know it was all insane. And for some reason his parents decided we were NOT going to have a traditional christmas supper, we were going to have Cornish game hens and seafood gumbo...somehow we ended up in New Orleans/Savannah....*inserts the biggest eye roll* Well they are started drinking...I couldn't drink...and for some reason DJ was drinking...he never drinks....8pm rolled around and no food, we have three starving kids on our hands, and were told that supper had been moved to 10pm because they had decided to build a fire on the old wood stove in the garage apartment and cook in there...IT IS CHRISTMAS...so it is cold and there is no heat in that room. By MIDNIGHT Anna and I had had enough, the hens were done but tasted like shit, the kids were so cranky and upset, we took them to Allsups and went back to our house and fed them and all went to sleep. IT was an awful time. AWFUL....I don't even know when DJ came home...I haven't a clue. Merry Freakin Christmas...yes that became our saying for the next few years! It is soooo funny now...but sucked so bad then!
He decided he needed to go back to work for his dad, so he did. Leaving me alone again, and we didn't have a phone so the only calls I could get from him were at his moms, and she was a total bitch about it....said when she was with his dad she only heard from him once every couple of weeks so therefore that is all we needed to talk....so I didn't get to talk to him for almost a week...till MY mother came and got me so he could call me at her house. Oh did I forget to mention I had a car with NO BRAKES! So I couldnt' go anywhere! Got the breaks fixed and came back to Oklahoma....stayed with him and his dad at his dads place and helped take care of things there. It was a charmed little time for us...he worked I worked and we were gonna have a baby boy!
The last week in April I knew we both knew it was getting close to time for Lane to be born....so it was time to go back to Texas to have the baby. My parents actually came and got me and took me back. By this time Anna had disappeared off the face of the Earth....now I know where she was, but at the time I was so depressed I needed her sanity to get me though all of this. It wasn't happening! They had pushed her away...but of course, it was all her fault ya know! HA! DJ had a few runs that would bring him though and we were going to schedule a c section with him, we knew we needed too, so I knew DJ would be there. Boy was I wrong.......
May either 4th or 5th 1999, a day of history in more ways than one. IT was a Monday, I do remember that. I was going to get to see DJ that night he was coming though, YEAH I was so excited. I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks although his mom backed off and let me talk to him daily, well actually she was so busy with her own thing and as long as I did all the dishes (for 12 people) and laundry every day she didnt pay much attention to me. FINE....was FINE FINE FINE with me. I went to the store to get me a Dr Pepper, because I had earned 75 cents that day, to get me one...*big eye roll* and I walk back in the house and Djs little sis, Misty, said Oh yeah DJ called he was in a tornado...and walks off. EXCUSE ME WHAT...is he ok where is he? What has happened...she turned and said I don't know I didn't want to talk to him. Typical 13 year old,. BUT HELLO....about that time, the news comes on and OKC had been hit by a F-5 tornado. I finally got him on the phone and he was fine. Let me say...I was a mess for 3 hours, the 3 hours it took for him to get from OKC to a place where there was cell service. Sigh...he was fine. Yes that is where the infamous comment, "You will follow that man anywhere wont you" came from. His dad said they could beat it...well they didn't...and they were damn near it....but they were ok and I was going to get to see him. YEAH...got to see him, have him hold me tell me I was glowing again and he left....came back though that following afternoon and I saw him for a minute and that was it. Well I went ot the doc the next day...his mother took me...had a sono, found out for sure Lane was a Lane and not a BrookLyn...yes that is what his name would have been had he been a girl. Because that is where DJ was when I found out I was pregnant. Thought it was pretty cool! We scheduled the C section for May 11th. Which was his Grannies birthday. I knew that would make him so happy. BUT anyway...we, his mother and I, went to lunch and I called and told DJ, he was pretty sleepy when I told him so I am not sure if he even heard me. He was leaving that night to go to Minnesota to deliver a load, so he was resting. Not the response I was looking for. So that was depressing. Then it happened, she suggested we go shopping...so we did. Well since she was buying it all it had to be Winnie the Pooh...fine whatever I didn't care! Then we went to my moms to show her everything...and they started drinking....SHIT I went into labor...I took one look at what was going on and had my little sis go on a walk with me, and I asked her to pray with me that I do NOT have this baby this night...not with two drunk coaches!!!! My labor pains stopped. THANK GOD!!!! I ended up having to take his mom to the crack house and got pulled over with an open beer in the car....thank Goodness the cop had been paying attention and knew I never did get out of the car. So I went back to Vega. Got a call at 4am to come back to Amarillo to get her...which I did. SUCKED...but I did it.
May 7 1999....I woke up in labor...I tried all dang day to pretend that things weren't happening...BUT they were. I called DJ talked to him about it he said to make it stop. yeah because I have all that power and all! At 4pm I finally went in the living room and got his mom and said YOU gotta take me to the hospital....NO ONE wanted to take care of Zach and Shelby....I had to beg people to help me...I WAS HAVING A BABY!! HELLO....I called DJ and there was no answer. I called JR and told him to keep trying him...I dont know if he did or not...at 10:17pm I had Lane. I was so alone and so scared...I mean OK my mom was there but she was so happy to just see him come into the world that she forgot I was even there. IT was a nightmare...I got out of surgery and tried calling him again...NOTHING....10am the next morning he calls...this was our conversation..."hello" "what are you still doing at the hosptial" 'um...I had a baby last night" "WHAT" and then well the rest is forever between the two of us. Do I hold it against him...NO NEVER...it wasn't his fault. He didn't know and we had planned something totally different. Things happen for a reason. And him not being there...that happened for a reason. My mom always wanted to be there when I had a child....and there was no way that was going to happen...unless DJ wasn't there...we didn't know that less than 5 years from that point my mom would die. God works in his own ways! And neither one of us would change it now.
To be honest.....the birth of Lane is what saved us! Well at that point...we were so close to walking away from one another, but that second child together, that stopped us from doing what we had planned. I stayed in Vega till I got my staples out, DJ came for a few days, then went back to work, and I dont think he ever has understood the torture it was for me with him NOT being there. And no I am not talking about the birth, I am talking about the BULL SHIT I had to put up with afterwards! NO HELP NONE AT ALL, when it came to the baby. I had to take care of both kiddos and the baby plus expected to do all of that other stuff I was doing before, plus trying to deal with being in major pain.
I went back home...well came back to Oklahoma, and his dads wife had moved back in in the time I was gone....so I had to go...she didn't want us around...fine we moved into a two bedroom crap hole...just to get away.
By this time it is June 1999, and the summer of me losing it was just beginning......stay tuned!
