Part 5 teaser

Summer of 2001 well it all had stared way before that and it was beginning to come to a head. We were either fighting or not talking for days at a time. It didn’t really matter. I begged him to stop but he ignorned me and kept doing as he pleased. Now I have to stop right here and say…this is where it gets rough, and this is where most gals would have pulled out and said ENOUGH!!!!! BUT I the idiot I can be, I am not a quitter….I don’t have it in me to be that way.
Yes I was having an affair, and not to defend it because it was wrong and it should NOT have happened. BUT I didn’t feel guilty for it one bit, I didn’t want it to end, and I know this was my life line…had it not been for that I wouldn’t be sitting here today writing this. DJ knows how I feel about it. I know it was wrong and it has caused problems between the two of us every since. Mainly because I am not sorry for it. I am sorry because it hurt him but I am not nor will I ever be sorry that it happened. IT was the best thing that I could have been doing at the time. And let me point out that it wasn’t all about sex. It was someone showing me that I was worth something that I did have meaning and I was more than what I thought I had become. Anyways…I know a lot of people would never agree with any of that….And maybe if I had heard that come out of someones mouth before this, I would have been BULL SHIT…you are so full of it. BUT now I have a greater appreciation for the men and woman who do have affairs not because they are horn ball freaks, but because there is something missing in their life and they want so badly for their partner to give it to them and for one reason or another, it isn’t going to happen.
OK back to May early may 2001. He was never home and when he was I was crying or praying he would leave again. He didn’t get violent again for a while…the whole breaking my wrist and what had happened to Shelby sorta chilled things out for about a year. The that night in May, Zachary and Lane were back in their rooms, it was a Wednesday and it was a school night, although Zach was the only one in school. Well, they had the only fan we had back in their room…and the windows open. Shelby didn’t have screens on her windows nor did she have a fan. So I let her sleep in the living room. Well he obviously wasn’t paying one bit of attention, he was in his chair watching TV zoned out…..Shelby was behind him on the couch, and I was back behind the couch on my computer. In a sudden fail swoop he stands up turns around and said What the fuck is she doing in here? I explained it to him and he started going off. I decided right then and there NO MORE…not one more night of this am I going to go through. I walked up to him and said if you wanna yell and scream at me we will go in the bedroom and you can do it in there but NOT right here. Not in front of our daughter not like this. Well I began walking back to the bedroom though the kitchen and he grabs a knife, and throws me down in the hallway and puts the knife to my throat….I have no idea what came over me, I wasn’t scared, I didn’t scream, I didn’t wanna wake the kids up. I told him, if he was going to kill me, fine I don’t care anymore….I did however want him to do it in the bedroom so the kids wouldn’t be apart of it. He jumped up and ran out of the house. As soon as he did I realized Shelby was awake and had seen the entire thing. SO I ran and locked the door. I ran to the phone and called Johnny and told him if he didn’t want the cops on the farm he better get down there well, it wasn’t a minute later and he and Chris, DJ’s ass hole cousin shows up and takes him out of there. I had yet to cry or scream or do anything. I called the man I was seeing and told him what happened….and then DJs cousin shows up and offers to comfort me….if ya know what I mean! I was so pissed I kicked him out…got the kids settled back in, boarded up the front door window, because he had busted it out, and lost it. I cried all night long, I hit my knees and begged God for the answers I couldn’t find. I ended up crying myself to sleep.