Update.....

Hey There, Yes I know I should have written a while back about the outcome of our chat, but I didn't! Because I finally told him about it yesterday....and to my surprise he didn't get mad...but to more of my surprise...he didn't say much at all. I wanna make the excuse that he was just letting it all soak in...but nope....all he said was is there dope you can take for it...yes but I won't, and then he said well I am still going to force you out of the house when I think you need it! And that was the end of it! Then this morning after his little fit (long story) he threw it up in my face. We were suppose to go to see a couple of houses today...BUT Zach is sick so we didn't go...and he said well are you sure he is sick or is this that thing you were telling me about yesterday. I blew a gasket....and thats when it hit me...this is why I haven't ever told him. THAT right there...it just gives him something to use against me....I called him everything but a white guy...I was so mad at him and I am still not real happy with him. I am hurt and I don't get over that very easy....I get way upset and I just hold onto that...I don't know if he meant it to be hurtful, but there was no apology for it and no looks of remorse about it either. So therefore I believe he meant to hurt me with it. He hasn't called today, which is strange he usually calls by now...I did however call him earlier to let him know I got the meeting rescheduled...and there was no happiness and excitment. Just ok whatever. Personally I don't think it is all me....I think he is hating not being able to go on the road...I think this manual labor business is bugging him, not knowing how much he is gonna get paid for all of this...stuff like that. BUT he is the only one that can control that...so I am out! Anyways....I better run...won't be around much for the next few days, my best friend from Texas and her daughter are coming in to visit for a few days. Thanks to everyone for all your wonderful support and understanding. You have no idea how great it feels to be able to have someone to talk to. God knows he isn't gonna be supportive....he said he doesn't understand why I think it is a big deal....maybe I shouldn't hide my next anxiety attack from him and let him see that it is a big deal. But then he will just bug me to get on something for it...because that is the answer to everything....take a pill! Love to all..Shan