you know as I sat there today and listened to DJ tell me about all the bragging my sons step mother was doing as he was picking Zachary up...about their TiVo and their DVR and their this and that and the other...and then she said to DJ oh you can't come in my house it is a mess....LMAO....really imagine that...Kaci tells me the other day she goes to drop off Brenna and there is a mouse dead on the sticky trap sitting next to the front door and wow look at that she didn't pick it up...Kaci said she was afraid too..so Kac got a stick and flung it out of the house....
You know we may not be rich, and we may not spoil the shit out of our kids, they do not get everything they want....they do get a lot...they get parents who are sober and pay attention. They get parents who coach soccer not knowing what the hell they are doing and they get parents who spend time with them and dont bitch at them because they are always tired. It isn't like we can not afford to give them things, sometimes we can't....most of the time we can...we just chose not to! We chose to have them earn what they get...they respect it a lot more. \par\tab And it is like I told DJ....we have more than they ever will. We have love and family. We may have a life that keeps us apart a lot and he is gone a lot and does miss out on things...but he didn't miss our son graduating...he didn't miss the first game...he didnt miss all kinds of stuff that they miss out on all the time trying to keep up with the Jones. And granted their house they are working on, which used to be mine, (how sick is that) is going to be a beauty when they finally move into it...LMAO and it will be a wreck when they are done! But where is it...it is in Adrian Texas, google earth that place...blink and you will miss it on the screen. It is a tiny ass town on the edge of Texas, and the only reason Texans even admit that it is there is because they are to proud to let anyone else have it!!! It is a sink hole...literaly a sink hole! It sits in a hole! And at one time that place was my life...but I was so miserable there. Here no I dont know many people and the few I do most I don't like, but we all know I am not that much of a people person anyway. They disappoint me! But, I have my family here...I have my children and I have DJ! What more could someone ask for. He loves me, he thinks I am a good person, he knows me better than anyone and he knows he can count on me! Can they say the same about one another? He turned down a damn good trip so I wouldnt have to be alone on New Years...she worked and he went and got drunk. How sad is that?\par\tab DJ says it isn't fair....what they they have all these material possesions and they can show off but no one is allowed in their house because they won't clean it? It isn't fair that they are doing their best to buy off my son and have him come and live with them? That old trick never works....and if he does fall for it...shame on him....he has been taught different. Ya know they are pathetic if you ask me....the try to go behind my back and do shit and dont realize my son MY son tells me all!! Well maybe not all....somethings I don't care to know...and I don't ask...he offers! And he knows where his place is here as opposed to there...he plays second and third to HER girls...here it is all equal! No one treats anyone any different here! \par\pard\tx5130 Do I worry that one day he will say I am not coming home? You bet you sweet ass I do! I worry about that every time he walks out that door till he walks back in and a day after he is home.....it would be a lie to say otherwise. Am I confident that he won't fall for their shit...No I am not! I was a kid once and promises of your own room and all that sounds wonderful..and buying a kid is the perfect way to do it...but those things won't keep ya happy! Look at DJ, he of all people should know that never works. His mother did it how many times to him? Do I want to be the parent Zachary choses to be with....yes I do...it would break my heart to NOT have him here...do I think Michael is capable of taking him away..NO but that wife of his is! She has already told everyone that they are gonna try to take him when she gets out of school...Try bitch! That is all I have to say about that! Try!! I will fight them with everything I have...and the biggest thing I have against them...THEY cannot give him his meds! I dont give a shit if she works in a hospital...doesnt make a darn to me...I am the one who was taught, DJ was the one who took the ride with me...Michael was offered...he refused....to busy impregnating that thing he is with now to worry about his only son! Oh well....his loss...I said it then and I will say it now...THAT is his downfall!!!
As for all of the rest...yeah we could have fancy shit....we sure could...we could go around bragging about it all....but I like looking myself in the mirror every day and looking around and knowing EVERYTHING I have is because WE worked for it...and we didnt use people and we didnt take advantage of people and people are welcome to come into my home at any time and see the little material stuff we have but the LOADS of love, life, pride, hope and faith we have in ourselves, each other and God! And that to me is better than any TiVo and DVR! Who cares about that shit....really who cares. You can't take it with you....what you can take with you is that you lived your life the best you could and took care of your family and they love you and you love them! You can take with you the knowledge that you didnt screw anyone and there isnt someone out there praying you are burning in hell! Money and material....you can't take that and if ya do it doesn't buy your way into heaven.....I would rather have someone standing over my grave saying Man she was such a good person and not man she was such a bitch but she sure had a nice house! Wonder who she left that car to! LMAO...who cares!!!! I want my kids to be so happy that I am now in heaven that they don't care about that crap I leave them....seriously....does it matter? Is it gonna keep them warm at night...is it gonna give them the warm fuzzies that remembering you Mom being at that Christmas party when you were 8 or always making hot chocolate when you decorated the tree or knowing that every year about your birthday you can expect a HUGE party....just to honor the fact that you are alive! Or how she cried the day you made it though your times tables and could remember them all or that song you sang to memorize the Decleration of Independence? Do you even remember what your parents got you for your 10th birthday? Hell no....99% of people dont! Mine sure dont I don't remember what i got my kids for their 10th birthdays! LOL Doesn't matter! But I can tell ya what I said to him when he turned 10! And he can tell ya about that special party he got! And I can also tell you the pictures I put together for that family party for his 10th birthday....I didnt have one photo to put up of he and his father. I can tell you that I asked his grandmother for one and she didnt have one either! That SHOULD speak volumes! SHOULD! But when someone isn't listening....it doesn't make a sound!
OK I will stop I think the point has been made. It isn't about material things...it isn't about that crap you can buy someone...yes certain material things have meaning...I have a few...posessions....but I have way more memories...I can tell you what I brough Zach home in the day I finally got to bring him home...I can tell you what he was wearing the last time I saw him....I cant tell you what I bought him last year for christmas! I can tell you how he smelled when he was a baby....I looked at him this past Christmas and flashed back to his first....how loved a baby he was and how he has grown into such a nice young man....and knowing I did that...DJ and I did. Michael had nothing to do with it! Ya know it is so strange because I got an email from a friend about seeing Zach when he was in Vega and this email told me how great of a kid he is..and how WE (dj and i) should be proud of it because WE did it! That made me feel really good. Zach is my bud...not sure if anyone can tell that! BUT this child is my link to reality! No not my favorite..he is my rock and my anchor! He is what made me a mom...HE is what made me who I am today! I was such a selfish little bitch the day he was born. It is amazing that that was even me! And for months afterwards, I was an idiot....I didn't do what I should have with him. BUT thanks to my mother, who in her wisdom, dropped him off to me one night and said here this is yours YOU take care of him! And then wouldn't answer the phone when I called for a few months! Thanks Mom!!!! You had your moments!!! And when they were good they were Damn good! LOL (she knows what I mean) Thanks for listening to my rambling! There is more where that came from! Shan
3 comments:
Shan- You are so damned right about all that stuff. Zach will know who raised him and did everything for him and later in life, if not now, he will know that all that shit doesn't matter. Believe me, my step-daughter is only 15 and she already knows all that. She is with us half the time and her mom trys to buy her off all the time and it doesn't work at all. She wants to live with us full time but her mom won't allow it. We got her one small present for christmas, that was all we could afford and she knew it. Her mom bought her a playstation 2, a portable dvd player and some other crap. We said something about how she had a good christmas at her moms and she said "yeah but that doesn't matter, you guys get me little stuff through out the year and it means more" or something like that. She's a smart kid and it sure sounds like Zach is too.
Ya know it is amazing how they grow up and become so smart when we aren't looking!!!!
Zach has made a few comments that were not nice when it comes to his step mother recently and in the past and I always tell him DO NOT say bad things about her just because you think that is what I want to hear. I refuse to make him feel as if he has to take up for either one of them, which is something she does to him. That and it is not a secret that I cannot stand her and I think she is a snob (who has no reason to be) and he says..."No mom, their house is nasty, she treats my dad and gramma like crap and shy (his little sister) is alpha child (well he didn't quite say it like that but it was pretty close something about her being the favorite) and charisse and I are crap when it comes to Jamie...and my dad just takes me and charisse and leaves....maybe ya think (and this is what I think in my head never out loud to zach) that deep down inside his dad knows that that middle kid isn't his!!!! That and she is a snobby brat just like her mom!
OK I am gonna get off of it because I know it isn't nice to talk about children that way...
Zach is happy where he is right now...he said he may have to share a room with lane, and we might not have bought him all that stuff, but he missed us so much and missed the cool stuff we have gotten him. That and he knows who buys his food and clothes him and puts a roof over his head...and the fact that we dont talk crap about his dad and step mom and she talks crap about us all the time, well me...and his dad has made a couple of comments...they will hang themselves...I don't have to do anything!! LOL Shan
Oh so true!!
Post a Comment