Saturday, January 28, 2006
Part Four....Summer 99-00
The summer of 1999....hmm...that is the summer I found the internet! YEAH!!!! What a rush that was. It was fun and nice to be chatting with real people. At this time he was rarely home...as usual. We were living back in Oklahoma, and I didn't have a car. Life sucked as usual. My sister, Denise came and stayed with me again. We had fun...she was such a HUGE help. I was so close to losing it. Post partum depression was really setting in. I didn't really know what it was, and he didn't know either. We were a family but not a good working family.
He did get us a car, BUT it fell apart, his dad and wife went to Hawaii and left us in charge. The truck broke down again...and we were stuck. BROKE ASS stuck! I finally broke...I lost it and couldn't handle life well at all. Things were totally falling apart. JR was staying with us, and so was my mom and my sister, and this is all in a hot two bedroom house.....come to find out there was a snake den under the house, non poisonus snakes, but snakes non the less.
Sometime in there came the time when my mother decided to run off to I dont even know where to get some guy she was in love with over the internet. I ended up being so upset with her because she did bring the guy back to the house and I told her NO WAY was that man going to be staying in my home. Well that pissed her off...come to find out, this past fall, the boy friend beat the crap out of her and she blamed it on me. There is still a warrent we are trying to get lifted, because it is bogus.
DJs dad decided to buy a trailer house, a pretty nice place over in Harrah Oklahoma, and offered it to us. So of course we took it. This was in September of 1999. By this time Mom had taken off to New Hampshire with my sister, I called my dad asking him how Denise was and he said I don't know your mother called and said she was with you! Well after a couple of weeks we found out where she was and got her back to OK with me and he came and got her. During this time, DJ and I weren't spending much time together. I was working for his dad, with no pay, well NO I take that back they paid 100 bucks in day care for me, but that was only Zach and Shelby. DJ and I talked every day and he was becomming more and more stressed as was I due to his dads wife. She was an evil woman! I won't go into that here, but I will say on Halloween day 1999 I quit...I had a mental meltdown in the office because of her and quit. Thank God DJ was there...he took me home and put me to bed. That was the first of many mental meltdowns I was to have over the course of the next couple of years. Looking back on it, it was actually a long long time coming.
DJ decided in December he couldn't take working there anymore either. She was nit picking his check to the point that a check that should have been almost a thousand bucks would end up being 200! We couldn't live on that. Well, at the time he was not old enough to get his CDL and had really no other skills....SO back to Vega we went!
Christmas 1999 wasn't much better than the year before. In fact supper was something I am not sure we had, maybe we did I don't remember. I do know his mom got drunk that night, and brought a live chicken in the house and cleared the table with it and tried to kill it with a knife, and then went and let the horses out to prove she could stand in the middle of the field and hold her arms out and they would come back to her. DJ and JR had to go catch them before a semi ran them over on the highway! It was quite the bs experience.
Neither one of us was working at that time. I couldn't get anyone to watch the kids long enough for me to go back to work and he was to busy smoking pot and trying to be everything his mommy wanted him to be! It was so fucking frustrating....again another mental, in bed for a week, meltdown. BUT right before that happened the night before New Years Eve, we were all sitting around the kitchen table and I had said something to the girls about hey aren't you going to do those dishes like you mom asked? They both pretty much told me to piss off, they weren't going to do them because they didn't have to she wouldn't do anything to them anyway. I said fine...I promise...that is all I said and got up and went back into our room and started folding up clothes. His mom came home DRUNK>>>>DRUNK!!!!! Came back to the bedroom and started chewing me out for telling her girls what to do...I was like hey...listen I just asked if they were gonna do what you asked them to do! And the fight was on....SO I grabbed the kids and tried to leave, I got Zach in the car and went back in to get Lane and Shelby...let me just say....the only reason Zach got in the car first is because he was right there with me and I pushed him out the back door and told him to run to the car and start it....nutso thing to have a 4 year old to do, but I was scared...well I get back in and they have grabbed Shelby and forced her down in the basement, and I can't get to her...YES DJ was there and YES he was on their side. He was calling me all kinds of names, and I do recall him even pulling my hair. So I got Lane and got him in the car....went back to get Shelby, they wouldn't let me in...she came out and got in my face and said she was gonna call the cops....I said GO Ahead PLEASE call the cops! Of course that isnt gonna happen! So I left...Lord knows I didn't want to leave Shelby there with them, but I had no other choice, there were 6-7 people standing in my way! I went to my dads...I didn't have anywhere else to go...I was scared and alone and crushed. LONG story short, DJ came to my dads the next day and brought me home! I had no other choice I had no money no car and I couldn't stay with my dad in his one bedroom house! What else could I do? I had to go back and I had to apologize for doing whatever it was that I did...which wasn't anything, but I needed my child back and I had no where else to go!!! Not my most shining moment......
We finally got our things moved back from Oklahoma in Feburary, and moved back into the smaller house at the farm. I went back to work and he messed around here and there, and was suppose to be watching the kids while I was working, but of course they were watching themselves. By this time Anna and Regina had come to live with us, and things were ok I suppose. She and I got along great....and she helped soooooooooo much with the kids because he had his head up his ass!!!!
That was the Easter from hell...everyone got drunk, I grabbed all the kids and started down to our house...Somehow DJ and Johnny got into an agruement and Anna got involved, ya know I know he was working at the time I just don't know where....but I know Johnny was thinking that we were living off of Anna, which wasn't true at all....he was just pissed because she decided NOT to give him any more money because Winnie was just smoking it up. And Johnny ended up being put against the wall by Anna...OMG it was just one of those things that had alcohol not been involved it would never have happened. I for one at that the time, wasn't drinking...I had no desire to drink...all of those people were drinking enough for everyone else I didn't need too by any means!!!!
Lane had his first birthday, and for the life of me I cannot remember where he was working or if he even was. This is May 2000....It was a wonderful celebration for him...to many moms and chiefs in the house and it was somewhat annoying to me to have that many people in my house.....but it was for the baby, and he wasn't intersted at all in the whole thing. Although Anna made his cake and it looked like something that you buy at a bakery! It was awesome....I had quit the job I was working at, which was 15 miles away and I was having to work 7 days a week from noon till 11pm...I hated it...and I wasn't' making much money! So I went back and talked to an old boss of mine who I knew was looking for someone and he hired me on the spot. So I was back working at the motel cafe, which was 4pm to 10pm but it was a mile away from the house and I had more time with the kids and myself and trying to have more time with him, but we were being pulled farther and farther apart....we were NOT doing anything together, we weren't doing anything around each other...he had his life and I had mine!!! That is how the summer from hell began........
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Part Three
May 1998....what a strange and eye opening time this was for me. I was stuck in Odessa with his mom and step dad whom I didn't really know but soon found out that they were on Crack! Yes the drug crack. Not a good thing....I will only tell about the night I left...because all the other nights are to awful to think about....
They had talked me into going and getting some guy friend of theirs, unknown to me it was their dealer. I freaked when I got back to the house and he pulls out this bag of stuff...crack, but I was so much out of the loop I had no idea what it was....well they all start getting their spoons ready, I mean it was worse then a day care at breakfast. I was shocked really....well I went to the bathroom and his mother followed me in there...now please remember A she hates me, and B he isnt anywhere around, he was on the road in Arizona at this time. Long story short, because I don't wanna get into it at this point, she held me down and tried to stick a needle in my arm....I flipped. I had never done anything like that before and had no desire to start now....what the hell is happening to me is all I could think. Geeze she told me all kinds of stuff....DJ does it with us, and still to this day I can't say yes or no about that, he said no at the time but then again he would come home eyes as big as saucers and tell me he was sober minded....anyway...she told me that his uncle had told her that she saw me doing this....I had never...and BTW I never have and NEVER will! His uncle, JR, was actually the one who walked in the bathroom and made her stop....I tried to leave, they were convinced that I was going to turn them in....so they wouldn't let me leave, I called DJ and he said to wait till they passed out and get the hell out of there. Geeze I can say this is conjuring up more emotion in me than I expected it to. BUT I have to remember we were both young and dumb and stupid and didn't realize what this really meant and what we really meant to one another. He pretty much blew me off that night....and I was heartbroken by his non caring attitude towards me. BUT then again there were things happening behind the scenes that I didn't know.
OK so JR stays next to me all night tweaking his ass off making sure they don't mess with me or my kids. First light, I packed up EVERY BIT OF EVERYTHING I could into my jeep with room for two car seats and got the hell out!!!! I went to Vega....where my mom was....I was scared I didn't know what to do and I had no clue what I was doing. I was so lost..and I think about it now and there are a thousand and one things I would have done differently. Well I end up in Oklahoma, with DJ...he made no bones at letting me know he didn't want me there. There was someone else he had his eye on and having me around was screwing that up and besides it made him look bad with his dad. 100% of me didn't give a ratts booty! I was staying put and he was going to HELP ME....well he was on the road on night and this other gal and I got to talking, and she asked me if I cheated on DJ all the time? I said no..which I didn't. She said well that isnt' what he told me...HA! Really.....ok. Why did y'all even talk about that. Well she had big boobs and was well exactly what he would have liked at the time. I have no doubt in my mind that things happened between the two of them...so much so, that I have never asked or said a word to either one of them. Sad isn't it.
We got an apartment, and I loved it..he was gone A LOT, and I was living in a place around a bunch of people my age which was great. Till Zach went to Texas to stay for a while with his father. Well he ended up getting an infection in his port and was awfully sick...so I took a bus to Amarillo, because we didn't have a car, and got to the hospital to NOT see his father there again though the entire thing! HE did this to him and I had to come in and clean up the mess! AND YES people, it wasn't Michael per say it was his wife, although I don't think they were married at the time. The doctor stated and I still have a written statement from him, that her inability to give him his meds correctly directly resulted in his infection. Yeah take me to court! (sorry) Anyways....I didn't see DJ from pretty much the 4th of July till the second weekend in August...I have no idea what he was doing other than working but he did spend sometime at home too...Lets just say I don't wanna know. He showed up in Vega over round up weekend. (I will explain that some other time) And low and behold a month and a week makes people do things like Create a new baby! LOL Yes this is where Lane comes in the picture! I didnt go home right away...in fact I stayed in Vega for almost another month. Finally Zach was released from docs care and we got to go home. Even though I didn't know he wasn't paying the rent while I was gone so there was a lot of catching up to do when I got home. Then it was time to work on me and him....trust was a HUGE issue for us and we had long long long talks about it and he admited at this time that he had slept with someone OK I gotta agree with Anna she and I have slept together, THEY didn't sleep together he fucked her! And she this other girl NOT ANNA, was suppose to be my friend...MY FRIEND...actually funny thing about that girl, I had known her since she was about 4 years old, she is Michaels neice. Ironic isnt it...that is what happens when you live in a small town. He admited it to me...then told me a few hours later, DO not hold this over my head! SO I bottled that anger for him up and pretended to be happy, after all three days later, I found out I was pregnant with Lane.
My pregnancy with Lane was full of ups and downs....mostly downs, but I was pregnant again and all was gonna be good! Things were going alright here in Oklahoma, we had our apartment and things were ok there, money was tight but money was always tight, and he was working hard and I was very proud of him...he took me having a child pretty serious. THEN it happened, another one of those moments when you think..Yep that changed everything. At thanksgiving of 1998 he decided again that we were moving...AGAIN....yes again...he up and quit his dad, with no warning, which really made me mad...but what do ya do. He found out his mother had hep c. And he thought he needed to be there to help take care of her. To be honest, I dont know if she does have it...sometimes I wonder, no one with that diesase can do what she has done to her body and not have some problems with it. ANYWAY...that is neither here nor there. So we move back to Vega....at least I was gonna get to have the same doc with Lane as I did for zach and shelby! We moved back....his mom was still real deep into crack, I am not sure what Johnny was doing...BUT I do know the entire place was a mess. Anna showed up for Thanksgiving with Regina....she and I started becomming really close. Life was so screwed around there...NO ONE was working...I dont know how we were all making it...I tried to get a job and I ended up getting pretty sick. So I couldn't do it.
Christmas 1998....ok Anna and I can laugh about this Christmas now...BUT at the time...Honestly I am sitting here chuckling over the whole damn thing! It was the stupidest day I have ever had in my whole life. Looking at it now....I got so upset over something I had NO NONE NOT A DAMN BIT of control over. LOL Christmas Eve, my dad came and got us, me, DJ and the kids, we went to my moms apartment in Amarillo...had supper, it was awesome with a BONELESS HAM, lol (love ya mom) and it was just great. She got me a Noahs ark cookie jar, that I still have and NO ONE touches. As it was that was a wonderful time...my parents, my sister, (amanda had already split) my kids and most of all my husband AWAY from his family! Totally differnt guy I can say! Anyway, Christmas morning was normal, because we had it at our house, me and him and the kids, I couldn't tell you what any of us got but I can say it was normal. THEN we went down to the big house. Chaos...utter and total chaos....I dont' know what all happened that day, I do know it was all insane. And for some reason his parents decided we were NOT going to have a traditional christmas supper, we were going to have Cornish game hens and seafood gumbo...somehow we ended up in New Orleans/Savannah....*inserts the biggest eye roll* Well they are started drinking...I couldn't drink...and for some reason DJ was drinking...he never drinks....8pm rolled around and no food, we have three starving kids on our hands, and were told that supper had been moved to 10pm because they had decided to build a fire on the old wood stove in the garage apartment and cook in there...IT IS CHRISTMAS...so it is cold and there is no heat in that room. By MIDNIGHT Anna and I had had enough, the hens were done but tasted like shit, the kids were so cranky and upset, we took them to Allsups and went back to our house and fed them and all went to sleep. IT was an awful time. AWFUL....I don't even know when DJ came home...I haven't a clue. Merry Freakin Christmas...yes that became our saying for the next few years! It is soooo funny now...but sucked so bad then!
He decided he needed to go back to work for his dad, so he did. Leaving me alone again, and we didn't have a phone so the only calls I could get from him were at his moms, and she was a total bitch about it....said when she was with his dad she only heard from him once every couple of weeks so therefore that is all we needed to talk....so I didn't get to talk to him for almost a week...till MY mother came and got me so he could call me at her house. Oh did I forget to mention I had a car with NO BRAKES! So I couldnt' go anywhere! Got the breaks fixed and came back to Oklahoma....stayed with him and his dad at his dads place and helped take care of things there. It was a charmed little time for us...he worked I worked and we were gonna have a baby boy!
The last week in April I knew we both knew it was getting close to time for Lane to be born....so it was time to go back to Texas to have the baby. My parents actually came and got me and took me back. By this time Anna had disappeared off the face of the Earth....now I know where she was, but at the time I was so depressed I needed her sanity to get me though all of this. It wasn't happening! They had pushed her away...but of course, it was all her fault ya know! HA! DJ had a few runs that would bring him though and we were going to schedule a c section with him, we knew we needed too, so I knew DJ would be there. Boy was I wrong.......
May either 4th or 5th 1999, a day of history in more ways than one. IT was a Monday, I do remember that. I was going to get to see DJ that night he was coming though, YEAH I was so excited. I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks although his mom backed off and let me talk to him daily, well actually she was so busy with her own thing and as long as I did all the dishes (for 12 people) and laundry every day she didnt pay much attention to me. FINE....was FINE FINE FINE with me. I went to the store to get me a Dr Pepper, because I had earned 75 cents that day, to get me one...*big eye roll* and I walk back in the house and Djs little sis, Misty, said Oh yeah DJ called he was in a tornado...and walks off. EXCUSE ME WHAT...is he ok where is he? What has happened...she turned and said I don't know I didn't want to talk to him. Typical 13 year old,. BUT HELLO....about that time, the news comes on and OKC had been hit by a F-5 tornado. I finally got him on the phone and he was fine. Let me say...I was a mess for 3 hours, the 3 hours it took for him to get from OKC to a place where there was cell service. Sigh...he was fine. Yes that is where the infamous comment, "You will follow that man anywhere wont you" came from. His dad said they could beat it...well they didn't...and they were damn near it....but they were ok and I was going to get to see him. YEAH...got to see him, have him hold me tell me I was glowing again and he left....came back though that following afternoon and I saw him for a minute and that was it. Well I went ot the doc the next day...his mother took me...had a sono, found out for sure Lane was a Lane and not a BrookLyn...yes that is what his name would have been had he been a girl. Because that is where DJ was when I found out I was pregnant. Thought it was pretty cool! We scheduled the C section for May 11th. Which was his Grannies birthday. I knew that would make him so happy. BUT anyway...we, his mother and I, went to lunch and I called and told DJ, he was pretty sleepy when I told him so I am not sure if he even heard me. He was leaving that night to go to Minnesota to deliver a load, so he was resting. Not the response I was looking for. So that was depressing. Then it happened, she suggested we go shopping...so we did. Well since she was buying it all it had to be Winnie the Pooh...fine whatever I didn't care! Then we went to my moms to show her everything...and they started drinking....SHIT I went into labor...I took one look at what was going on and had my little sis go on a walk with me, and I asked her to pray with me that I do NOT have this baby this night...not with two drunk coaches!!!! My labor pains stopped. THANK GOD!!!! I ended up having to take his mom to the crack house and got pulled over with an open beer in the car....thank Goodness the cop had been paying attention and knew I never did get out of the car. So I went back to Vega. Got a call at 4am to come back to Amarillo to get her...which I did. SUCKED...but I did it.
May 7 1999....I woke up in labor...I tried all dang day to pretend that things weren't happening...BUT they were. I called DJ talked to him about it he said to make it stop. yeah because I have all that power and all! At 4pm I finally went in the living room and got his mom and said YOU gotta take me to the hospital....NO ONE wanted to take care of Zach and Shelby....I had to beg people to help me...I WAS HAVING A BABY!! HELLO....I called DJ and there was no answer. I called JR and told him to keep trying him...I dont know if he did or not...at 10:17pm I had Lane. I was so alone and so scared...I mean OK my mom was there but she was so happy to just see him come into the world that she forgot I was even there. IT was a nightmare...I got out of surgery and tried calling him again...NOTHING....10am the next morning he calls...this was our conversation..."hello" "what are you still doing at the hosptial" 'um...I had a baby last night" "WHAT" and then well the rest is forever between the two of us. Do I hold it against him...NO NEVER...it wasn't his fault. He didn't know and we had planned something totally different. Things happen for a reason. And him not being there...that happened for a reason. My mom always wanted to be there when I had a child....and there was no way that was going to happen...unless DJ wasn't there...we didn't know that less than 5 years from that point my mom would die. God works in his own ways! And neither one of us would change it now.
To be honest.....the birth of Lane is what saved us! Well at that point...we were so close to walking away from one another, but that second child together, that stopped us from doing what we had planned. I stayed in Vega till I got my staples out, DJ came for a few days, then went back to work, and I dont think he ever has understood the torture it was for me with him NOT being there. And no I am not talking about the birth, I am talking about the BULL SHIT I had to put up with afterwards! NO HELP NONE AT ALL, when it came to the baby. I had to take care of both kiddos and the baby plus expected to do all of that other stuff I was doing before, plus trying to deal with being in major pain.
I went back home...well came back to Oklahoma, and his dads wife had moved back in in the time I was gone....so I had to go...she didn't want us around...fine we moved into a two bedroom crap hole...just to get away.
By this time it is June 1999, and the summer of me losing it was just beginning......stay tuned!
They had talked me into going and getting some guy friend of theirs, unknown to me it was their dealer. I freaked when I got back to the house and he pulls out this bag of stuff...crack, but I was so much out of the loop I had no idea what it was....well they all start getting their spoons ready, I mean it was worse then a day care at breakfast. I was shocked really....well I went to the bathroom and his mother followed me in there...now please remember A she hates me, and B he isnt anywhere around, he was on the road in Arizona at this time. Long story short, because I don't wanna get into it at this point, she held me down and tried to stick a needle in my arm....I flipped. I had never done anything like that before and had no desire to start now....what the hell is happening to me is all I could think. Geeze she told me all kinds of stuff....DJ does it with us, and still to this day I can't say yes or no about that, he said no at the time but then again he would come home eyes as big as saucers and tell me he was sober minded....anyway...she told me that his uncle had told her that she saw me doing this....I had never...and BTW I never have and NEVER will! His uncle, JR, was actually the one who walked in the bathroom and made her stop....I tried to leave, they were convinced that I was going to turn them in....so they wouldn't let me leave, I called DJ and he said to wait till they passed out and get the hell out of there. Geeze I can say this is conjuring up more emotion in me than I expected it to. BUT I have to remember we were both young and dumb and stupid and didn't realize what this really meant and what we really meant to one another. He pretty much blew me off that night....and I was heartbroken by his non caring attitude towards me. BUT then again there were things happening behind the scenes that I didn't know.
OK so JR stays next to me all night tweaking his ass off making sure they don't mess with me or my kids. First light, I packed up EVERY BIT OF EVERYTHING I could into my jeep with room for two car seats and got the hell out!!!! I went to Vega....where my mom was....I was scared I didn't know what to do and I had no clue what I was doing. I was so lost..and I think about it now and there are a thousand and one things I would have done differently. Well I end up in Oklahoma, with DJ...he made no bones at letting me know he didn't want me there. There was someone else he had his eye on and having me around was screwing that up and besides it made him look bad with his dad. 100% of me didn't give a ratts booty! I was staying put and he was going to HELP ME....well he was on the road on night and this other gal and I got to talking, and she asked me if I cheated on DJ all the time? I said no..which I didn't. She said well that isnt' what he told me...HA! Really.....ok. Why did y'all even talk about that. Well she had big boobs and was well exactly what he would have liked at the time. I have no doubt in my mind that things happened between the two of them...so much so, that I have never asked or said a word to either one of them. Sad isn't it.
We got an apartment, and I loved it..he was gone A LOT, and I was living in a place around a bunch of people my age which was great. Till Zach went to Texas to stay for a while with his father. Well he ended up getting an infection in his port and was awfully sick...so I took a bus to Amarillo, because we didn't have a car, and got to the hospital to NOT see his father there again though the entire thing! HE did this to him and I had to come in and clean up the mess! AND YES people, it wasn't Michael per say it was his wife, although I don't think they were married at the time. The doctor stated and I still have a written statement from him, that her inability to give him his meds correctly directly resulted in his infection. Yeah take me to court! (sorry) Anyways....I didn't see DJ from pretty much the 4th of July till the second weekend in August...I have no idea what he was doing other than working but he did spend sometime at home too...Lets just say I don't wanna know. He showed up in Vega over round up weekend. (I will explain that some other time) And low and behold a month and a week makes people do things like Create a new baby! LOL Yes this is where Lane comes in the picture! I didnt go home right away...in fact I stayed in Vega for almost another month. Finally Zach was released from docs care and we got to go home. Even though I didn't know he wasn't paying the rent while I was gone so there was a lot of catching up to do when I got home. Then it was time to work on me and him....trust was a HUGE issue for us and we had long long long talks about it and he admited at this time that he had slept with someone OK I gotta agree with Anna she and I have slept together, THEY didn't sleep together he fucked her! And she this other girl NOT ANNA, was suppose to be my friend...MY FRIEND...actually funny thing about that girl, I had known her since she was about 4 years old, she is Michaels neice. Ironic isnt it...that is what happens when you live in a small town. He admited it to me...then told me a few hours later, DO not hold this over my head! SO I bottled that anger for him up and pretended to be happy, after all three days later, I found out I was pregnant with Lane.
My pregnancy with Lane was full of ups and downs....mostly downs, but I was pregnant again and all was gonna be good! Things were going alright here in Oklahoma, we had our apartment and things were ok there, money was tight but money was always tight, and he was working hard and I was very proud of him...he took me having a child pretty serious. THEN it happened, another one of those moments when you think..Yep that changed everything. At thanksgiving of 1998 he decided again that we were moving...AGAIN....yes again...he up and quit his dad, with no warning, which really made me mad...but what do ya do. He found out his mother had hep c. And he thought he needed to be there to help take care of her. To be honest, I dont know if she does have it...sometimes I wonder, no one with that diesase can do what she has done to her body and not have some problems with it. ANYWAY...that is neither here nor there. So we move back to Vega....at least I was gonna get to have the same doc with Lane as I did for zach and shelby! We moved back....his mom was still real deep into crack, I am not sure what Johnny was doing...BUT I do know the entire place was a mess. Anna showed up for Thanksgiving with Regina....she and I started becomming really close. Life was so screwed around there...NO ONE was working...I dont know how we were all making it...I tried to get a job and I ended up getting pretty sick. So I couldn't do it.
Christmas 1998....ok Anna and I can laugh about this Christmas now...BUT at the time...Honestly I am sitting here chuckling over the whole damn thing! It was the stupidest day I have ever had in my whole life. Looking at it now....I got so upset over something I had NO NONE NOT A DAMN BIT of control over. LOL Christmas Eve, my dad came and got us, me, DJ and the kids, we went to my moms apartment in Amarillo...had supper, it was awesome with a BONELESS HAM, lol (love ya mom) and it was just great. She got me a Noahs ark cookie jar, that I still have and NO ONE touches. As it was that was a wonderful time...my parents, my sister, (amanda had already split) my kids and most of all my husband AWAY from his family! Totally differnt guy I can say! Anyway, Christmas morning was normal, because we had it at our house, me and him and the kids, I couldn't tell you what any of us got but I can say it was normal. THEN we went down to the big house. Chaos...utter and total chaos....I dont' know what all happened that day, I do know it was all insane. And for some reason his parents decided we were NOT going to have a traditional christmas supper, we were going to have Cornish game hens and seafood gumbo...somehow we ended up in New Orleans/Savannah....*inserts the biggest eye roll* Well they are started drinking...I couldn't drink...and for some reason DJ was drinking...he never drinks....8pm rolled around and no food, we have three starving kids on our hands, and were told that supper had been moved to 10pm because they had decided to build a fire on the old wood stove in the garage apartment and cook in there...IT IS CHRISTMAS...so it is cold and there is no heat in that room. By MIDNIGHT Anna and I had had enough, the hens were done but tasted like shit, the kids were so cranky and upset, we took them to Allsups and went back to our house and fed them and all went to sleep. IT was an awful time. AWFUL....I don't even know when DJ came home...I haven't a clue. Merry Freakin Christmas...yes that became our saying for the next few years! It is soooo funny now...but sucked so bad then!
He decided he needed to go back to work for his dad, so he did. Leaving me alone again, and we didn't have a phone so the only calls I could get from him were at his moms, and she was a total bitch about it....said when she was with his dad she only heard from him once every couple of weeks so therefore that is all we needed to talk....so I didn't get to talk to him for almost a week...till MY mother came and got me so he could call me at her house. Oh did I forget to mention I had a car with NO BRAKES! So I couldnt' go anywhere! Got the breaks fixed and came back to Oklahoma....stayed with him and his dad at his dads place and helped take care of things there. It was a charmed little time for us...he worked I worked and we were gonna have a baby boy!
The last week in April I knew we both knew it was getting close to time for Lane to be born....so it was time to go back to Texas to have the baby. My parents actually came and got me and took me back. By this time Anna had disappeared off the face of the Earth....now I know where she was, but at the time I was so depressed I needed her sanity to get me though all of this. It wasn't happening! They had pushed her away...but of course, it was all her fault ya know! HA! DJ had a few runs that would bring him though and we were going to schedule a c section with him, we knew we needed too, so I knew DJ would be there. Boy was I wrong.......
May either 4th or 5th 1999, a day of history in more ways than one. IT was a Monday, I do remember that. I was going to get to see DJ that night he was coming though, YEAH I was so excited. I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks although his mom backed off and let me talk to him daily, well actually she was so busy with her own thing and as long as I did all the dishes (for 12 people) and laundry every day she didnt pay much attention to me. FINE....was FINE FINE FINE with me. I went to the store to get me a Dr Pepper, because I had earned 75 cents that day, to get me one...*big eye roll* and I walk back in the house and Djs little sis, Misty, said Oh yeah DJ called he was in a tornado...and walks off. EXCUSE ME WHAT...is he ok where is he? What has happened...she turned and said I don't know I didn't want to talk to him. Typical 13 year old,. BUT HELLO....about that time, the news comes on and OKC had been hit by a F-5 tornado. I finally got him on the phone and he was fine. Let me say...I was a mess for 3 hours, the 3 hours it took for him to get from OKC to a place where there was cell service. Sigh...he was fine. Yes that is where the infamous comment, "You will follow that man anywhere wont you" came from. His dad said they could beat it...well they didn't...and they were damn near it....but they were ok and I was going to get to see him. YEAH...got to see him, have him hold me tell me I was glowing again and he left....came back though that following afternoon and I saw him for a minute and that was it. Well I went ot the doc the next day...his mother took me...had a sono, found out for sure Lane was a Lane and not a BrookLyn...yes that is what his name would have been had he been a girl. Because that is where DJ was when I found out I was pregnant. Thought it was pretty cool! We scheduled the C section for May 11th. Which was his Grannies birthday. I knew that would make him so happy. BUT anyway...we, his mother and I, went to lunch and I called and told DJ, he was pretty sleepy when I told him so I am not sure if he even heard me. He was leaving that night to go to Minnesota to deliver a load, so he was resting. Not the response I was looking for. So that was depressing. Then it happened, she suggested we go shopping...so we did. Well since she was buying it all it had to be Winnie the Pooh...fine whatever I didn't care! Then we went to my moms to show her everything...and they started drinking....SHIT I went into labor...I took one look at what was going on and had my little sis go on a walk with me, and I asked her to pray with me that I do NOT have this baby this night...not with two drunk coaches!!!! My labor pains stopped. THANK GOD!!!! I ended up having to take his mom to the crack house and got pulled over with an open beer in the car....thank Goodness the cop had been paying attention and knew I never did get out of the car. So I went back to Vega. Got a call at 4am to come back to Amarillo to get her...which I did. SUCKED...but I did it.
May 7 1999....I woke up in labor...I tried all dang day to pretend that things weren't happening...BUT they were. I called DJ talked to him about it he said to make it stop. yeah because I have all that power and all! At 4pm I finally went in the living room and got his mom and said YOU gotta take me to the hospital....NO ONE wanted to take care of Zach and Shelby....I had to beg people to help me...I WAS HAVING A BABY!! HELLO....I called DJ and there was no answer. I called JR and told him to keep trying him...I dont know if he did or not...at 10:17pm I had Lane. I was so alone and so scared...I mean OK my mom was there but she was so happy to just see him come into the world that she forgot I was even there. IT was a nightmare...I got out of surgery and tried calling him again...NOTHING....10am the next morning he calls...this was our conversation..."hello" "what are you still doing at the hosptial" 'um...I had a baby last night" "WHAT" and then well the rest is forever between the two of us. Do I hold it against him...NO NEVER...it wasn't his fault. He didn't know and we had planned something totally different. Things happen for a reason. And him not being there...that happened for a reason. My mom always wanted to be there when I had a child....and there was no way that was going to happen...unless DJ wasn't there...we didn't know that less than 5 years from that point my mom would die. God works in his own ways! And neither one of us would change it now.
To be honest.....the birth of Lane is what saved us! Well at that point...we were so close to walking away from one another, but that second child together, that stopped us from doing what we had planned. I stayed in Vega till I got my staples out, DJ came for a few days, then went back to work, and I dont think he ever has understood the torture it was for me with him NOT being there. And no I am not talking about the birth, I am talking about the BULL SHIT I had to put up with afterwards! NO HELP NONE AT ALL, when it came to the baby. I had to take care of both kiddos and the baby plus expected to do all of that other stuff I was doing before, plus trying to deal with being in major pain.
I went back home...well came back to Oklahoma, and his dads wife had moved back in in the time I was gone....so I had to go...she didn't want us around...fine we moved into a two bedroom crap hole...just to get away.
By this time it is June 1999, and the summer of me losing it was just beginning......stay tuned!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Part Two
OK where were we....yeah after we got married. Well his friend Jarod was living with us, helping me out while he was on the road. I had two kids and we owned two businesses....geeze lousie we were so stupid...NOT stupid but young and didn't know what we were doing. All of that went south quick. After the money was gone the fights started. And neither one of us knew how to verbally fight without getting physical. Well I have to say before we got married I knew he was physical but not till I started it. So I thought if I kept it under control he would too...LMAO..yeah right. Well before we were married right before Christmas of 1995 we got into a fight and he kicked my car over and over so I wrecked my car into his. Yeah it wasn't good...it was nasty and wrong and stupid and by all means, he should have been allowed to choak me to death. BUT thank God for Jarod....he pulled him off of me...anyway..that is something we laugh about now.....
OK well in March a month to the day after we were married his Granny died. Pretty quickly too. And I have to say and if any of his family is reading this I am sorry, but I was there...there wasnt a phone call until she had sliped out of conciouness. THAT is when his cousin decided it was bull shit and called him. For some reason NO ONE thought to call him. Now I dont know why, it isn't like they didn't know where we were or what our number or my parents numbers were. BUT that is between them and God now. He was a wreck...he was such a mess. Things happened that I promised him I wouldnt ever talk about...but lets just say he lost his mind for about a week. After the funeral was over with that is...he kept it together till that was said and done then he LOST his freaking mind! I took the kids and went to my moms for a few days...Jarod kept him stoned the entire time, because that is the only way he could be dealt with. Again thank God for Jarod!!!
Well, about two months later we got into a fight in the yard and the neighbors called the cops....he was hauled off to jail...although to be honest he didn't hit anyone that night, he was just stupid enough to pick up a hammer and was walking towards my jeep at the time the cops showed up. HE was actually the one bleeding...I damn near went to jail with him that night because I have a big mouth! We were told to stay the hell away from one another, so for a few days we did. He left town...not to sure where he was...Amarillo I think...I got a job, thanks to him honestly at a sports bar....and had him help me babysit the kids, whom at the time were 19 months and 8 months old. Yeah crazy...well I was evicted from our home...and found a place in amarillo to live...and moved on...worked my ass off and took him to Altus Oklahoma and left him there to work.
In July of that year he called me and asked me to come and get him in Odessa Texas, how the hell he ended up there I am not sure other than he had family there. So I went and got him..borrowed a guys car and went, because by this time I had gotten my car repoed because I couldn't afford everything! I was bribing my little sisters and a guy I worked with his little sister too to baby sit by letting their boyfriends come over while they were watching the kids. Yes I know it was awful and trust me it would not ever happen these days. BUT I had to have a job, I sure wasn't getting any child support from Michael and he already had gotten another girl pregnant, she actually lived with me for a while...that is till she flipped out one time and left, taking half of shelbys old baby clothes with her...whatever...I dont' really care personally...she didnt take anything I needed anymore anyway! I was getting nothing from DJ hell I didn't hear from him for almost a month before he called and asked to come home. I figured hell why not I needed someone to stay with the kids. Well that is when the no job and being a stay at home dad started for him. It sucked but in a way it was cool.
That was till I lost my job....not sure why I lost my job but I did. I think it was because I knew the boss was screwing around on his wife and I didn't cover for him a couple of times, so I got canned. Couldn't afford the rent and of course he wasn't getting a job. So we moved back to Vega, we moved into a house his mom and step dad were living in...but when we moved there they moved down to the other house on the property. This was September 1996. He worked for a harvester for a while, then he sarted ya know the more I think about it I can't tell you where he was working. I know I was working at the Longhorn Cafe for Doug, doing a little bit of everything and being miserable because we lived so close to his mom. Well she went off the deep end one night and went to Odessa...or as Johnny and I like to call it, Slow-detha! And of course true to nature she had to live there so therefore so did we. That lasted all of a few months, before Heather showed up on night and brought me back to what I thought was reality, and I got a job at the Big Texan in Amarillo where she was working. And we moved back to Vega....I told him he could come or he could stay...I didn't care anymore! But I could not stay one more minute in that freaking town! So we moved into a little two bedroom house down from the school...it was perfect...we had our moments, but other than that things were pretty good. That was until Bryan entered the picture...I was smitten I will admit but nothing happened, I know he doesn't believe that but it didn't! He moved back to Odessa taking Shelby with him...that didnt last long either....but I can say it was some of the most painful times in my life.
By this time we had been married for a year....our first anniversary consited of a wonderfuly expensive suite and all of our friends smoking pot and getting drunk...yeah so romantic! Nothing happened that night either! Anyways...he came home and we were a family again...mind you married one year and seperated more time then together. Not so sure what the hell we were thinking! BUT we decided we needed to move into the house at the farm, since everyone was living in Odessa. We got a hold of Johnny and his mom and asked they didn't seem to mind as long as we cleaned it out....well we did that. What we failed to realize is that they weren't the only ones that should have been talked to about the entire thing...Anna should have been talked to also. But we were young and pretty much believed anything his mom told us about the whole deal and didn't think about it really. And when it all came out she wasn't mad anyway...at least we weren't tearing up the house.
Then IT happened.....
METH...I didn't even know what the stuff was. That is how sheltered I had been. I had to go to work one day and ask Doug what it was. It was starting to control my life, and I didn't even realize it. DJ didn't come home much, spent many many hours with Michael and some other people, spent many nights not coming home and when he did...he didn't come to bed. Until my uncle showed up with pictures of him doing it I didn't even realize it was happening. I mean I knew something was going on but I didn't know exactly what. I knew I was being lied to about a shit load of things, but I didnt realize what it was about!
Thanksgiving 1997....we decide we need to go to Odessa to see his mom...we hadn't been there since the summer, it was time for him to get a Mommy fix, and I knew Anna was going to be there so hey why not! Do you ever look back on one paticular moment and go, IF that would have gone somewhat differently MY life would be sooo different. THAT was one of those moments, actually that whole week was a moment. We ended up moving back....BIG mistake, even after I had found out about all of it...I knew about the drugs, I knew he was doing them, I knew what it was doing to us. I couldn't leave him alone there...we would have no longer been married after all....SHEESH...what a nieve mess! I think about it all now and I would NOT go back to that to save my ass. NO WAY....
We went though hell living in Odessa...he wouldn't keep a job, every bit of
money we did have went to dope...even though he says otherwise...sorry BULL SHIT....We were living in a cockroach infested trailer, at 13 Stoner Lane...yeah NIGHTMARE....the only gifts our kids got for Christmas that year was a plastic truck each that year...Thank God they were little and had no clue what was going on. DJs uncle bought them bikes that year...that was it!!! Our car was stole that Christmas, my grandmother died two days later, and DJ dragged me out of the house and threatened to kill me if I didn't go back home, meaning Vega. That didn't happen either. I didn't know what was happening totally...but I did know it wasn't good.
Got rid of all the scum that was living with us and got him to move to Midland away from everyone...that was stupid too...we were spending more time in Odessa than before. We ended up moving out of Midland, oh I should mention at this time my parents were getting a divorce...and that wasn't helping my faith in mankind at all...BUT we moved in with his mom and Johnny...what a nightmare that ended up being...he couldn't seem to make it to work on time, no matter how hard her tried, he got to work 2 minutes late one morning and called me back to get him. Apparently they had warned him if he was late one more time even a minute he was fired....well so there we sat...No job, no house, no money, NOTHING....and our jeep got repoed again...well my grandparents loaned me the money and I got it back, and he called his dad and asked for help. His dad gave him a job and flew him to OKC....This was May 1998.....
OK well in March a month to the day after we were married his Granny died. Pretty quickly too. And I have to say and if any of his family is reading this I am sorry, but I was there...there wasnt a phone call until she had sliped out of conciouness. THAT is when his cousin decided it was bull shit and called him. For some reason NO ONE thought to call him. Now I dont know why, it isn't like they didn't know where we were or what our number or my parents numbers were. BUT that is between them and God now. He was a wreck...he was such a mess. Things happened that I promised him I wouldnt ever talk about...but lets just say he lost his mind for about a week. After the funeral was over with that is...he kept it together till that was said and done then he LOST his freaking mind! I took the kids and went to my moms for a few days...Jarod kept him stoned the entire time, because that is the only way he could be dealt with. Again thank God for Jarod!!!
Well, about two months later we got into a fight in the yard and the neighbors called the cops....he was hauled off to jail...although to be honest he didn't hit anyone that night, he was just stupid enough to pick up a hammer and was walking towards my jeep at the time the cops showed up. HE was actually the one bleeding...I damn near went to jail with him that night because I have a big mouth! We were told to stay the hell away from one another, so for a few days we did. He left town...not to sure where he was...Amarillo I think...I got a job, thanks to him honestly at a sports bar....and had him help me babysit the kids, whom at the time were 19 months and 8 months old. Yeah crazy...well I was evicted from our home...and found a place in amarillo to live...and moved on...worked my ass off and took him to Altus Oklahoma and left him there to work.
In July of that year he called me and asked me to come and get him in Odessa Texas, how the hell he ended up there I am not sure other than he had family there. So I went and got him..borrowed a guys car and went, because by this time I had gotten my car repoed because I couldn't afford everything! I was bribing my little sisters and a guy I worked with his little sister too to baby sit by letting their boyfriends come over while they were watching the kids. Yes I know it was awful and trust me it would not ever happen these days. BUT I had to have a job, I sure wasn't getting any child support from Michael and he already had gotten another girl pregnant, she actually lived with me for a while...that is till she flipped out one time and left, taking half of shelbys old baby clothes with her...whatever...I dont' really care personally...she didnt take anything I needed anymore anyway! I was getting nothing from DJ hell I didn't hear from him for almost a month before he called and asked to come home. I figured hell why not I needed someone to stay with the kids. Well that is when the no job and being a stay at home dad started for him. It sucked but in a way it was cool.
That was till I lost my job....not sure why I lost my job but I did. I think it was because I knew the boss was screwing around on his wife and I didn't cover for him a couple of times, so I got canned. Couldn't afford the rent and of course he wasn't getting a job. So we moved back to Vega, we moved into a house his mom and step dad were living in...but when we moved there they moved down to the other house on the property. This was September 1996. He worked for a harvester for a while, then he sarted ya know the more I think about it I can't tell you where he was working. I know I was working at the Longhorn Cafe for Doug, doing a little bit of everything and being miserable because we lived so close to his mom. Well she went off the deep end one night and went to Odessa...or as Johnny and I like to call it, Slow-detha! And of course true to nature she had to live there so therefore so did we. That lasted all of a few months, before Heather showed up on night and brought me back to what I thought was reality, and I got a job at the Big Texan in Amarillo where she was working. And we moved back to Vega....I told him he could come or he could stay...I didn't care anymore! But I could not stay one more minute in that freaking town! So we moved into a little two bedroom house down from the school...it was perfect...we had our moments, but other than that things were pretty good. That was until Bryan entered the picture...I was smitten I will admit but nothing happened, I know he doesn't believe that but it didn't! He moved back to Odessa taking Shelby with him...that didnt last long either....but I can say it was some of the most painful times in my life.
By this time we had been married for a year....our first anniversary consited of a wonderfuly expensive suite and all of our friends smoking pot and getting drunk...yeah so romantic! Nothing happened that night either! Anyways...he came home and we were a family again...mind you married one year and seperated more time then together. Not so sure what the hell we were thinking! BUT we decided we needed to move into the house at the farm, since everyone was living in Odessa. We got a hold of Johnny and his mom and asked they didn't seem to mind as long as we cleaned it out....well we did that. What we failed to realize is that they weren't the only ones that should have been talked to about the entire thing...Anna should have been talked to also. But we were young and pretty much believed anything his mom told us about the whole deal and didn't think about it really. And when it all came out she wasn't mad anyway...at least we weren't tearing up the house.
Then IT happened.....
METH...I didn't even know what the stuff was. That is how sheltered I had been. I had to go to work one day and ask Doug what it was. It was starting to control my life, and I didn't even realize it. DJ didn't come home much, spent many many hours with Michael and some other people, spent many nights not coming home and when he did...he didn't come to bed. Until my uncle showed up with pictures of him doing it I didn't even realize it was happening. I mean I knew something was going on but I didn't know exactly what. I knew I was being lied to about a shit load of things, but I didnt realize what it was about!
Thanksgiving 1997....we decide we need to go to Odessa to see his mom...we hadn't been there since the summer, it was time for him to get a Mommy fix, and I knew Anna was going to be there so hey why not! Do you ever look back on one paticular moment and go, IF that would have gone somewhat differently MY life would be sooo different. THAT was one of those moments, actually that whole week was a moment. We ended up moving back....BIG mistake, even after I had found out about all of it...I knew about the drugs, I knew he was doing them, I knew what it was doing to us. I couldn't leave him alone there...we would have no longer been married after all....SHEESH...what a nieve mess! I think about it all now and I would NOT go back to that to save my ass. NO WAY....
We went though hell living in Odessa...he wouldn't keep a job, every bit of
money we did have went to dope...even though he says otherwise...sorry BULL SHIT....We were living in a cockroach infested trailer, at 13 Stoner Lane...yeah NIGHTMARE....the only gifts our kids got for Christmas that year was a plastic truck each that year...Thank God they were little and had no clue what was going on. DJs uncle bought them bikes that year...that was it!!! Our car was stole that Christmas, my grandmother died two days later, and DJ dragged me out of the house and threatened to kill me if I didn't go back home, meaning Vega. That didn't happen either. I didn't know what was happening totally...but I did know it wasn't good.
Got rid of all the scum that was living with us and got him to move to Midland away from everyone...that was stupid too...we were spending more time in Odessa than before. We ended up moving out of Midland, oh I should mention at this time my parents were getting a divorce...and that wasn't helping my faith in mankind at all...BUT we moved in with his mom and Johnny...what a nightmare that ended up being...he couldn't seem to make it to work on time, no matter how hard her tried, he got to work 2 minutes late one morning and called me back to get him. Apparently they had warned him if he was late one more time even a minute he was fired....well so there we sat...No job, no house, no money, NOTHING....and our jeep got repoed again...well my grandparents loaned me the money and I got it back, and he called his dad and asked for help. His dad gave him a job and flew him to OKC....This was May 1998.....
Monday, January 23, 2006
Our beginning!
As some of you know our anniversary is coming up...In feb we will have been married 10 years!!! And I wanted to write all of this...not sure why, maybe just remembering us....after all that has happened over the years....this isn't the complete story...that is saved for a book I am gonna write and make us really rich some day! LMAO!!!! Maybe this is just the short of the long of it, and maybe some day our children can read about it.......
The first time I ever laid eyes on him, I thought "what a geek" and he thought "what a bitch" Yeah well he was right. I was 16 and totally consumed with me and my own things, those things being my sons father. He was out there somewhere with someone and I completly ignored him. I was only driving them all around because I was the only one with a drivers license, I was the one with permission to take the car. So I took him and his cousin whom was dating my friend. They made out in the back seat, I drove around...we went back to the house, and pretty soon his mother was there to get him. I could tell he had something for another friend of mine and I so had my head up my ass....
The next time I talked to him like really talked to him, he walked up to me at the Alsups parking lot, and asked me if I could go in the store and buy he and his friend some snuff. Well by this time I was 18 still VERY self centered, living with my sons father, and had been a mommy for about a month. I should not have been out and about that night....but my mom was babysitting so I took advantage. Heather and I were screwing around town, while our "guys" were partying at some other peoples house. I had some to drink, but I wasn't drunk. I walked in the store, bought a few cans of Copenhagen, and walked out, said I will switch ya coats, and he said sure....so we switched, and I kissed him on the cheek and walked away. THAT KISS....THAT COAT....that was our beginning. I saw him more times after that....chewed him out once for shoe polishing my house, which come to find out he didn't do.
Now at this time, yes I was "with" someone else...BUT this someone else and I had no business being together. He had no intention of ever marrying me....had no intention of being with me...we were young WAY to young to be parents, but we had been together since 3rd grade so therefore we had to live together and we had to do the right thing. I think about it now and there is NO WAY in hell I am gonna do this to my daughter. BUT everyone expected it and God forbid he and I let everyone down. I wasn't in love with him, I did however have a child with him and I knew I had to be a good mom and a good whatever it was that I was to him. Did I love him...yeah I did and ya know in some way I still do, I love him for what he has given me...MY Zachary, but he has since gotten married and moved on. I don't hate him, I just KNOW deep deep down that he and I were not meant to be together.
I could go into the details with how we broke but that isnt' what this story is about....this is about our beginning. I moved out....I went to live with my mother and dad. One night, we were watching my cousins wedding video tape and I said maybe someday I can have that. The next night he asked me to marry him...and I said yes...OMG what did I get myself into?
By this time....I had realized his mother hated me...why I don't really know but I did realize that. I should have walked away then, and any sane normal person would have but NOT ME....I wasn't going to have this woman or or anyone else tell me who I could or could not be with. And I am not going to get into the whole first few months of it because it was torture...I was trying to learn how to be a mom and how to be me and how to be all of it....it was a VERY confusing time!
I am going to jump ahead to our first real place together, that is with NO ONE living with us besides Zachary...I was pregnant with Shelby and we moved into our apartment. Oh but it wasn't easy...we weren't married yet, I was still trying to figure out how to work this whole thing with my sons father and try not to let emotions get to high. There were times there at the beginning that I know BOTH of us wanted to give up, BUT it never did happen at the same time. Thank GOD.
On September 12, 1995 our beautiful daughter was born. Shelby Leigh, came into our world. He was 110% there for the entire thing, and believe me it wasn't a pretty birth! LOL It was scary!!! For all those involved. By this time, my sons father had said that he thought Shelby might be his...NO WAY...there is no way I got pregnant in November and gave birth in September, THAT is way to long. On top of all of that that ONE and only time that he and I had been together from the time our son was born till I left, I do not believe it was ever a finished deal, and condems are effective. BUT as it sat there should have been a DNA done just to put everyones minds at easy...BUT that didn't happen, he took one look at her and knew she was his...I knew she was his and I am the one that should know. His mother came to the hospital...wouldn't touch her...wouldn't have a damn thing to do with her...FINE with me....
We took her to his Granny...the one woman who could say yeah or nay....we pulled the blanket off of the carrier and she said OMG DJ she is yours. He smiled and said Good I signed the birth certificate. And the rest is history. AT least where that subject comes into play.
We moved back to Vega in October of that year. In November of that year he turned 18, we could finally get married. YES I was breaking the law...in some states, just not in the state we lived in. Yes his mother did try that!
Anyway...DJ ended up with $80,000 when he turned 18 from a settlement that he had gotten set up for him when his father died. We blew though that money like it was nothing. There was a lot we did and wanted to do and blah...we are both so VERY happy that it is GONE...GONE like a frieght train! That in and of itself is a nutty story and one that maybe someday I will go into.
On Febuary 16 1996 we were married. What a day that was...we were going to have this huge wedding..BUT that didnt' happen and wasn't gonna happen....there were to many people that were just way to freaked out about us being together for us to have had the wedding I wanted. So in January we went and got our marriage license. The third day we had it we were suppose to get married which would have been 1-16....well we got down to the JPs office and she was on the interstate pronouncing someone dead! So instead of getting married we went on our honeymoon. We already had the room and such paid for, so we went. Thanks Mom...she stayed with the kids! The day we finally went and got married, my mother, grandmother, and our children were there. A friend of ours, was suppose to film the wedding, but he filmed the top of the JP's head. And I can honestly say I cannot find the video.
Our wedding day was sorta nuts...he was on the road, he called the night before and I said something about the paper being no good tomorrow and it sucks that he missed Valentines day.....he said sorry he was in Mississippi....wouldnt be home for a few days...so we would have to do it again. FINE...well in typical DJ fashion, he showed up the next morning told me to get my clothes on...he had already called my grandmother and mother and they were suppose to meet us up there. I was soooooooo nervous....I was in the bathroom of the JPs office and took three shots of vodka...yes VODKA...didnt want anyone to smell it...By all means I should have passed out right then and there. BUT I made it though it and we did it! In a room full of bongs and pipes and everything else in between! Maybe someday I can get that wedding!
Our wedding night was a movie, Black Sheep and came home to being alone in our home, and we were so excited to be married finally we left the keys in the door...BIG MISTAKE...us on the living room floor and 10 friends walking in with a keg to toast our union! (pssssstttt...they still thought we had a lot of money) (we were BROKE) Yea well I can say the morning after we were both so HUNG over it was unreal!
And that was just the begining of our marriage...not a good way to start! LOL I will continue this story...I have skipped over a lot of uglies when it comes to me actually...and maybe I shouldn't have done that....I can say this....I messed up a lot at first....I was torn between my love for DJ and my childs father, not so much love for him but the fact that everyone was so mad at me..and NOW I would not have given a shit, but back then 17 or 18 I was just needing my friends! That and Michael and I had been together or at least friends since I was 7 years old. NOT having him in my life every day was something real hard for me to get used to. That and his family was all over me about getting pregnant so I could have his money...and to be honest until they brought it up..I didnt know there was any! He never told me. (small note...that money has been gone for 10 years I am still here) I had them get in my face and try to call me all kinds of things and run me off, his mother tried to pay girls to come to our house and break us up...LMAO...wanna know something funny, that same girl would come to the house and give us half the money and go in the back room and scew his best friend and leave! Yeah that worked! Idiot! She accused me of stealing, tried to beat the crap out of me twice....and Michael was always around and it was such a confusing time for me. NO it wasnt right what I put him through. ALL of that is so far in the past though. That was a total different lifetime. And the moment we were married we were married....and that was it! I didn't think about another man, much less Michael again. Well at least not for years............
The first time I ever laid eyes on him, I thought "what a geek" and he thought "what a bitch" Yeah well he was right. I was 16 and totally consumed with me and my own things, those things being my sons father. He was out there somewhere with someone and I completly ignored him. I was only driving them all around because I was the only one with a drivers license, I was the one with permission to take the car. So I took him and his cousin whom was dating my friend. They made out in the back seat, I drove around...we went back to the house, and pretty soon his mother was there to get him. I could tell he had something for another friend of mine and I so had my head up my ass....
The next time I talked to him like really talked to him, he walked up to me at the Alsups parking lot, and asked me if I could go in the store and buy he and his friend some snuff. Well by this time I was 18 still VERY self centered, living with my sons father, and had been a mommy for about a month. I should not have been out and about that night....but my mom was babysitting so I took advantage. Heather and I were screwing around town, while our "guys" were partying at some other peoples house. I had some to drink, but I wasn't drunk. I walked in the store, bought a few cans of Copenhagen, and walked out, said I will switch ya coats, and he said sure....so we switched, and I kissed him on the cheek and walked away. THAT KISS....THAT COAT....that was our beginning. I saw him more times after that....chewed him out once for shoe polishing my house, which come to find out he didn't do.
Now at this time, yes I was "with" someone else...BUT this someone else and I had no business being together. He had no intention of ever marrying me....had no intention of being with me...we were young WAY to young to be parents, but we had been together since 3rd grade so therefore we had to live together and we had to do the right thing. I think about it now and there is NO WAY in hell I am gonna do this to my daughter. BUT everyone expected it and God forbid he and I let everyone down. I wasn't in love with him, I did however have a child with him and I knew I had to be a good mom and a good whatever it was that I was to him. Did I love him...yeah I did and ya know in some way I still do, I love him for what he has given me...MY Zachary, but he has since gotten married and moved on. I don't hate him, I just KNOW deep deep down that he and I were not meant to be together.
I could go into the details with how we broke but that isnt' what this story is about....this is about our beginning. I moved out....I went to live with my mother and dad. One night, we were watching my cousins wedding video tape and I said maybe someday I can have that. The next night he asked me to marry him...and I said yes...OMG what did I get myself into?
By this time....I had realized his mother hated me...why I don't really know but I did realize that. I should have walked away then, and any sane normal person would have but NOT ME....I wasn't going to have this woman or or anyone else tell me who I could or could not be with. And I am not going to get into the whole first few months of it because it was torture...I was trying to learn how to be a mom and how to be me and how to be all of it....it was a VERY confusing time!
I am going to jump ahead to our first real place together, that is with NO ONE living with us besides Zachary...I was pregnant with Shelby and we moved into our apartment. Oh but it wasn't easy...we weren't married yet, I was still trying to figure out how to work this whole thing with my sons father and try not to let emotions get to high. There were times there at the beginning that I know BOTH of us wanted to give up, BUT it never did happen at the same time. Thank GOD.
On September 12, 1995 our beautiful daughter was born. Shelby Leigh, came into our world. He was 110% there for the entire thing, and believe me it wasn't a pretty birth! LOL It was scary!!! For all those involved. By this time, my sons father had said that he thought Shelby might be his...NO WAY...there is no way I got pregnant in November and gave birth in September, THAT is way to long. On top of all of that that ONE and only time that he and I had been together from the time our son was born till I left, I do not believe it was ever a finished deal, and condems are effective. BUT as it sat there should have been a DNA done just to put everyones minds at easy...BUT that didn't happen, he took one look at her and knew she was his...I knew she was his and I am the one that should know. His mother came to the hospital...wouldn't touch her...wouldn't have a damn thing to do with her...FINE with me....
We took her to his Granny...the one woman who could say yeah or nay....we pulled the blanket off of the carrier and she said OMG DJ she is yours. He smiled and said Good I signed the birth certificate. And the rest is history. AT least where that subject comes into play.
We moved back to Vega in October of that year. In November of that year he turned 18, we could finally get married. YES I was breaking the law...in some states, just not in the state we lived in. Yes his mother did try that!
Anyway...DJ ended up with $80,000 when he turned 18 from a settlement that he had gotten set up for him when his father died. We blew though that money like it was nothing. There was a lot we did and wanted to do and blah...we are both so VERY happy that it is GONE...GONE like a frieght train! That in and of itself is a nutty story and one that maybe someday I will go into.
On Febuary 16 1996 we were married. What a day that was...we were going to have this huge wedding..BUT that didnt' happen and wasn't gonna happen....there were to many people that were just way to freaked out about us being together for us to have had the wedding I wanted. So in January we went and got our marriage license. The third day we had it we were suppose to get married which would have been 1-16....well we got down to the JPs office and she was on the interstate pronouncing someone dead! So instead of getting married we went on our honeymoon. We already had the room and such paid for, so we went. Thanks Mom...she stayed with the kids! The day we finally went and got married, my mother, grandmother, and our children were there. A friend of ours, was suppose to film the wedding, but he filmed the top of the JP's head. And I can honestly say I cannot find the video.
Our wedding day was sorta nuts...he was on the road, he called the night before and I said something about the paper being no good tomorrow and it sucks that he missed Valentines day.....he said sorry he was in Mississippi....wouldnt be home for a few days...so we would have to do it again. FINE...well in typical DJ fashion, he showed up the next morning told me to get my clothes on...he had already called my grandmother and mother and they were suppose to meet us up there. I was soooooooo nervous....I was in the bathroom of the JPs office and took three shots of vodka...yes VODKA...didnt want anyone to smell it...By all means I should have passed out right then and there. BUT I made it though it and we did it! In a room full of bongs and pipes and everything else in between! Maybe someday I can get that wedding!
Our wedding night was a movie, Black Sheep and came home to being alone in our home, and we were so excited to be married finally we left the keys in the door...BIG MISTAKE...us on the living room floor and 10 friends walking in with a keg to toast our union! (pssssstttt...they still thought we had a lot of money) (we were BROKE) Yea well I can say the morning after we were both so HUNG over it was unreal!
And that was just the begining of our marriage...not a good way to start! LOL I will continue this story...I have skipped over a lot of uglies when it comes to me actually...and maybe I shouldn't have done that....I can say this....I messed up a lot at first....I was torn between my love for DJ and my childs father, not so much love for him but the fact that everyone was so mad at me..and NOW I would not have given a shit, but back then 17 or 18 I was just needing my friends! That and Michael and I had been together or at least friends since I was 7 years old. NOT having him in my life every day was something real hard for me to get used to. That and his family was all over me about getting pregnant so I could have his money...and to be honest until they brought it up..I didnt know there was any! He never told me. (small note...that money has been gone for 10 years I am still here) I had them get in my face and try to call me all kinds of things and run me off, his mother tried to pay girls to come to our house and break us up...LMAO...wanna know something funny, that same girl would come to the house and give us half the money and go in the back room and scew his best friend and leave! Yeah that worked! Idiot! She accused me of stealing, tried to beat the crap out of me twice....and Michael was always around and it was such a confusing time for me. NO it wasnt right what I put him through. ALL of that is so far in the past though. That was a total different lifetime. And the moment we were married we were married....and that was it! I didn't think about another man, much less Michael again. Well at least not for years............
Yes this is us about two months before we got married!!! OMG how goofy we look!
Moment of Silence
A wonderful lady I know lost her husband recently. I dont' know how she manages to have the strength to get out of bed, much less keep on a truckin...but she does, and she is amazing....PLEASE pray for her today especially, for today is his service and this is going to be the second hardest day she has had to face since it happened. I say second because DJ told me when I lost my mom, (and we all know how I feel about saying you lost someone) that there isn't gonna be a day that goes by from that day that I was told, that is going to be any harder, and ya wanna know something...by goodness he was right...THAT day January 5 2004 was the hardest day of my life, and the hardest day of the whole experience...every day the pain isn't near as intense as it is that first day...there is a shock and I believe your body goes though every emotion known to man, at one point in the first 24 hours....
As it sits, Karen suggest a moment of silence at 1:30pm CST...and I ask all of my friends and family at this time if you could please say a prayer, to whomever you pray to, or just take a moment to remember this man, his wife, and their children, and to send them all the good vibes you possibly can. (for all my athiest friends out there, you don't have to pray, but I know there is goodness in you to send good feelings their way)
Kelly's husband, Randy, was a truck driver, just as my husband is....and many of the wonderful women I know, just as their husbands are, and our heart is breaking for her and her babies, today and every day....What an amazing soul he was and will remain in the hearts and minds of those who knew and loved him best! To Randy....keep the highway to heaven warm for us....To Kelly....we love ya darlin....YOU are a good woman and a WONDERFUL mommy, we have no doubt that you will keep Randy alive in your memories and for your children forever. And to the Children....please know he still loves you, that not even death can take away!
God bless you Kelly.....
All my love and thoughts and prayers, Shannon
Friday, January 20, 2006
Poem
This was posted on ATW in the Spiritual Forum....we have all been though this in some way or another...and I wanted to share with everyone.........
She Is Gone
You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back or you can open your eyes
and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and
let it live on.
You can cry and lose your mind, be empty and turn your back Or you can do what she's want:
Smile!
Open your eyes!
Thursday, January 19, 2006
OKC Memorial
OKC Memorial 
When Kaci was here we took she and Lane and Brenna to the OKC Bombing Memorial. We had been there once before but we didnt get to go into the museum...this time we walked though the museum. WOW what a moving thing....one day the truth of what really happened there will come out. Tim McVeigh got the easy way out....Recently here in OK there has been an uproar of people because the third suspect that has spent the last few years in prison is getting out. Now I didn't know there was a third so having seen that on TV was kinda a shocker for me....But here are more pics of the experience. There are a couple of links down at the bottom as well....they show more pics that are better than what I took. Remember these were taken in January and we haven't had rain in months. I could not take photos of the inside of the museum. Although I did take one then had this woman tell me in a very stern nasty way that that wasn't allowed...maybe some signs would be helpful! Anyways...here it is.....
There are 168 chairs representing the 168 people that died that day....they are also arranged I believe by the floor in which they were on...I can't find that pampthlet (SP) to make sure but I am pretty sure. There are large chairs and there are small chairs! It is quite moving. This photo is a picture of the actual Murrah building!
It is an amazing thing to see. There are I believe two or
three walls still standing. I took some close up photos
of this BUT they didn't come out well.
This is Lane and Brenna at the reflection pool. He understands a lot more now!
Lane and Brenna at the childrens wall...what is so cool about this is these mostly were sent by children in the area from where I grew up! I thought that was awesome!
If anyone gets a chance to go though here...DO IT! Call me I will go back though it again!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
sadness
As many of you know I am involved in a web family sisterhood called
atruckerswife.com
We had sad news befall us this morning...our leader and creator of our sanctuary and our place of belonging lost her husband. I won't go into detail here for her privacy and most importantly her right to say what she wants when she feels comfortable.
I do however want to say that PLEASE ladies hold on to the man you love...this can happen at anytime and anywhere.
Kelly You and your children are in my thoughts and my prayers. I can only come close to imagning what you are going though. I remember watching my mother walk in the shoes you are walking in now, and I saw the toll it took on her, please please please remember to take care of yourself in this time...I know things can get overwhelming and the daily drone of doing all that is involved in this....you tend to forget to take care of you! Please know that we here at ATW are all here for you no matter what!!!
I personally am going to give her time to heal before calling....personally I believe it is the quiet times a month after everyone is gone home, that is when you really need that shoulder! '
My heart breaks for she and her children, and takes me back to being 7 years old and watching as if in a dream this same thing happen to our family....please everyone pray for her strength and for the children....
Shannon
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Sleeping.......
I know someone who posts sleeping photos of her live in...and they get some pretty good comments....and I am the worlds worst about taking sleeping photos.....so here are a few I have taken in the past couple of months!
This one was taken of DJ Christmas Eve...guess that is what happens when you have a few shots of Tequlia before Santa TIME!!!!
Zachary....he hates it when I do this!
Shelby and Regina....they are just to cute
Kaci Dawn...this is what happens when your kid keeps you up half the night and you just finally crash...if you listen real close you can hear her snoring!
Shane.....a few beers later
This one was taken of DJ Christmas Eve...guess that is what happens when you have a few shots of Tequlia before Santa TIME!!!!
Zachary....he hates it when I do this!
Shelby and Regina....they are just to cute
Kaci Dawn...this is what happens when your kid keeps you up half the night and you just finally crash...if you listen real close you can hear her snoring!
Shane.....a few beers later
Monday, January 16, 2006
The home we fell in love with
As Marianne pointed out we are trying to achieve the "American Dream" Now I know that means different things for different people....but SHE got it! That is what we want!
Now the anxiety I am feeling is overwhelming...the thought that we could actually have a house like this....hmmm....NO WAY...but when you begin to look at the prices....you think well maybe we can....now I am one that does not trust the economy well....I believe another crash could happen whenever it likes....
And honestly a couple of acres and a nice double wide....I could be ok with that.....BUT the more I think about it....what the hell for? Really I mean that is all nice and all...BUT I want something I can leave my children, something they can be proud of....something that can be passed onto them....or if things go south, something I can sell for a good profit.....maybe I am nuts, and I know I am gonna get some shit from a few people I dearly love and respect for this....BUT I want them to understand that things are not for me the way they are for them. If it were just DJ and I ....this would not even be an option...but to see the light in my childrens eyes when they saw a picture of this house...OMG that is enough to make me wanna work even harder for this!
Now there are a few things I would change about this house and that is the wonderful thing about these modular homes.....I can change it up if I want at no extra cost....AS LONG as we stay within reason and within square footage...our builder, Dan, will do whatever we want.
NOW All of you who know me know that I am freaking the fuck out of over this! This is not anything I thought would ever happen....BUT it is happening.....and I am sooo nervous to spend this huge amount of money (yes Kaci I know 10 bucks is a HUGE amount of money to me) and what happens if I hate it? BUT I know I won't and the builder is very patient and very kind....BUT I am getting ahead of myself...We have to tie up the land which is on the agenda for the week! Then we go from there. And the lady we are buying the land from used to work for a mortage company so she understands that it takes a while....
OK well I was going to put some floor plans on here but I can't seem to find the ones we like....BUT I better run, Lane is going to eat the house if I don't go feed him AGAIN....yes no school today is really driving me nuts!!! LOL Oh and we have a soccer meeting tonight so I suppose the season is starting again soon!!! ARRRR
Now the anxiety I am feeling is overwhelming...the thought that we could actually have a house like this....hmmm....NO WAY...but when you begin to look at the prices....you think well maybe we can....now I am one that does not trust the economy well....I believe another crash could happen whenever it likes....
And honestly a couple of acres and a nice double wide....I could be ok with that.....BUT the more I think about it....what the hell for? Really I mean that is all nice and all...BUT I want something I can leave my children, something they can be proud of....something that can be passed onto them....or if things go south, something I can sell for a good profit.....maybe I am nuts, and I know I am gonna get some shit from a few people I dearly love and respect for this....BUT I want them to understand that things are not for me the way they are for them. If it were just DJ and I ....this would not even be an option...but to see the light in my childrens eyes when they saw a picture of this house...OMG that is enough to make me wanna work even harder for this!
Now there are a few things I would change about this house and that is the wonderful thing about these modular homes.....I can change it up if I want at no extra cost....AS LONG as we stay within reason and within square footage...our builder, Dan, will do whatever we want.
NOW All of you who know me know that I am freaking the fuck out of over this! This is not anything I thought would ever happen....BUT it is happening.....and I am sooo nervous to spend this huge amount of money (yes Kaci I know 10 bucks is a HUGE amount of money to me) and what happens if I hate it? BUT I know I won't and the builder is very patient and very kind....BUT I am getting ahead of myself...We have to tie up the land which is on the agenda for the week! Then we go from there. And the lady we are buying the land from used to work for a mortage company so she understands that it takes a while....
OK well I was going to put some floor plans on here but I can't seem to find the ones we like....BUT I better run, Lane is going to eat the house if I don't go feed him AGAIN....yes no school today is really driving me nuts!!! LOL Oh and we have a soccer meeting tonight so I suppose the season is starting again soon!!! ARRRR
Where I grew up.......
There is a little town in the panhandle of Texas that is 30 miles from Amarillo and 30 miles from New Mexico and 100 miles from NO WHERE!!!! This town is a hole in the ground and it was the best place on the planet to grow up...unless you have dreams that are bigger than a town of 900 can provide! I loved being there for about 5 minutes back in 1990...lol It is one hellofa place to live, they even did a reality show there for CMT...it was the most important thing that has ever happened there EVER....no one famous comes from there....in fact 85% of the population is 6 to 7 generations deep! Some say it is the best place to live...others like me...wouldn't go back if you paid us!
http://www.city-data.com/city/Vega-Texas.html
http://www.legendsofamerica.com/TX-Vega.html
http://www.texasescapes.com/TOWNS/Vega/Vega_Texas.htm
Land Run
Here is a photo of some of the land we are looking at buying....more photos of Oklahoma landscape....yes that is snow and no it didn't last but maybe 3 hours after this was taken!!!! LOL
Here is what would be our drive way if we put a house on it which is what are are planning on doing......that spot out there where there is a lot of grass....that is where the house would sit...it is the most level part....
I know it is kinda hard to see in this photo but that is the creek that runs though there. It is a beautiful spot of land that DJ fell in love with and the price is perfect.....I will post pics of the house that we are looking at to put on there...BUT the deal with that is I haven't gotten a full price on it just yet and I do not want to spend the next 30 years of my life paying on a house....anyways.....that is what is going on in our live....I am nervous and scared and to the point of hyperventilating over the whole deal....
BUT as I told a friend of mine....this is forever....well at least my forever....so whatever we decide on it is going to be exactly what we want and yeah all that good stuff...sorry side tracked apparently DJ set an alarm to wake up too...hmm....better go check and see whats up!
Shan
Saturday, January 14, 2006
The Shop
DJ's dad ended up getting a good deal on a shop....the guys were going to frame it out for him and Shane and DJ are suppose to help do that and get it tinned up.....well this was a few days ago....when they were getting the posts set.....after all the posts were set I believe that is when I realized just how big this thing was gonna be.......now it looks like this as of last night......
So all is all it is going well.....Looking like a pretty awesome building....gonna be great for them to do their work in when it is cold and nasty......I will have more photos later...I have some great ones of Shane that if I can get the boards out of the way it will look like he is sky diving!
Just wanted to share!!!! Shan
Friday, January 13, 2006
Have to show off.....
Aren't they they cuttiest kids on the planet....ok well maybe not the entire planet but the world that I revolve around they are! LOL Just wanted to share this photo because I am so proud of the way they are turning out.....and can ya tell it is getting close to soccer season again!!! YEAH!!! NOT!!!! I am sure I will have more to bitch about in a couple of months........Shan
PS HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th EVERYONE!!!!
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Update.....
Hey There, Yes I know I should have written a while back about the outcome of our chat, but I didn't! Because I finally told him about it yesterday....and to my surprise he didn't get mad...but to more of my surprise...he didn't say much at all. I wanna make the excuse that he was just letting it all soak in...but nope....all he said was is there dope you can take for it...yes but I won't, and then he said well I am still going to force you out of the house when I think you need it! And that was the end of it! Then this morning after his little fit (long story) he threw it up in my face. We were suppose to go to see a couple of houses today...BUT Zach is sick so we didn't go...and he said well are you sure he is sick or is this that thing you were telling me about yesterday. I blew a gasket....and thats when it hit me...this is why I haven't ever told him. THAT right there...it just gives him something to use against me....I called him everything but a white guy...I was so mad at him and I am still not real happy with him. I am hurt and I don't get over that very easy....I get way upset and I just hold onto that...I don't know if he meant it to be hurtful, but there was no apology for it and no looks of remorse about it either. So therefore I believe he meant to hurt me with it. He hasn't called today, which is strange he usually calls by now...I did however call him earlier to let him know I got the meeting rescheduled...and there was no happiness and excitment. Just ok whatever. Personally I don't think it is all me....I think he is hating not being able to go on the road...I think this manual labor business is bugging him, not knowing how much he is gonna get paid for all of this...stuff like that. BUT he is the only one that can control that...so I am out! Anyways....I better run...won't be around much for the next few days, my best friend from Texas and her daughter are coming in to visit for a few days. Thanks to everyone for all your wonderful support and understanding. You have no idea how great it feels to be able to have someone to talk to. God knows he isn't gonna be supportive....he said he doesn't understand why I think it is a big deal....maybe I shouldn't hide my next anxiety attack from him and let him see that it is a big deal. But then he will just bug me to get on something for it...because that is the answer to everything....take a pill! Love to all..Shan
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
What is this world coming too?
OK Now I am not one for big business...I do believe Walmart is way to a abundant, (could be because our walmart sucks) and I believe that McDonalds and all those chains make it hard for little businesses that are very good and just dont get a chance because of them...BUT DAMN IT....home owned coffee shops aint got nothin on Starbucks....I LOVE Starbucks...in fact to be very honest I bet I have spent in the course of three months (when I worked right next to one) about $500 at Starbucks....yes I know that is awful..that is two car payments, one house payment, and yes my ass was a lot bigger, but OMG a triple venti mocha is the BOMB! 
Yeah I know they were da bomb on my ass too...but I was working a lot back then and always on my feet and always walking around....so therefor I justified the heck out of it....LOL BUT to put a bomb in a Starbucks for the sheer purpose of trying to run the place out so local coffee shops can prosper...why...that is just stupid....someone could have been seriously hurt or even killed.....now I know the story doesn't say that that is what has happened here, but then again it does say that this has happened before only on a smaller scale for that purpose. Sad world we live in.......
Explosive Device Defused at San Francisco Starbucks
SAN FRANCISCO (Jan. 10) - Police defused an explosive device found in the bathroom of a Starbucks on Monday. No one was injured.
Authorities were called around 1:15 p.m., after an employee reported finding something suspicious in the store's bathroom. About 100 people were evacuated from the store and apartments above it, and the street was closed to traffic, said Sgt. Neville Gittens.
"This was a good device. If it had exploded, it would have caused injuries or damage," said Gittens, who would not describe its size.
Once the device was disabled at about 2:10 p.m., police allowed people back into the apartment building and reopened the street. The store, located at a busy city intersection, remained closed Monday evening while authorities investigated.
Seattle-based Starbucks declined to provide further details.
In 2003, police said the windows of 17 Starbucks stores were clouded with glue and some of the door locks were jammed. Vandals also posted phony notices purporting to be from Starbucks management announcing the company's intention to abandon some of their San Francisco stores to make room for more locally owned coffee houses.
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OK listen I grew up in Texas....one of the biggest migrant states in the US....I have seen first hand how these people come in illegally and take over jobs and homes and eventually towns....they are no better or worse that pests...yes I did call them pests. Listen I watched a company that my grandmother had worked for for years fire every one in the place, and hire all these illegals, then have the BALLS to call back some of the old "white"(not being racists they were all white) workers to come back and train all these mexicans to do their old jobs! LMAO...needless to say NOT ONE person went back. WHY would you go back for 6 weeks and train someone you can't even carry on a conversation with to do your old job? I have watched the store back home that cashes all the laborers checks, and 90% of the guys that come in there are mexicans, when I was a kid it was totally different. I have been in that same store cashing a check and tried to speak with someone who was working there, and had them and two other mexicans start speaking spanish and laughing right in my face....I have a million and one stories like that...NOW do not get me wrong IF you are in this country and you have done it the right way like a lot of others I do know, then hell yeah by all means, you jumped though all the hoops and did it all right you have the right to be here...BUT what pisses me off is the ones that as soon as you yell immigartion they scatter.....and I have seen that too..and they aren't the guilty ones in the deal..it is the people who will hire illegals to do the job so that they can have cheap labor and do not have to provide insurance and such to them.
BUT what gets me about this article is their own goverment instead of being embarassed that their own people are risking life and limb to get the hell out, they get pissed at us for trying to keep them out.....I am amazed at that. Personally if I were the leader of the country instead of being an ass about the US not wanting them here, I would want to be cleaning up my country and getting the bad out so the good could run the show...but then again that is just me!
Mexico Demands U.S. Allow More Immigration
By MARK STEVENSONAssociated Press Writer
MEXICO CITY
Diplomats from Mexico and Central America on Monday demanded guest worker programs and the legalization of undocumented migrants in the United States, while criticizing a U.S. proposal for tougher border enforcement.
Meeting in Mexico's capital, the regional officials pledged to do more to fight migrant trafficking, but indirectly condemned a U.S. bill that would make illegal entry a felony and extend border walls.
"Migrants, regardless of their migratory status, should not be treated like criminals," they said.
The countries represented at the meeting _ including Mexico, Nicaragua, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, Belize and Panama _ created a working group to design a regional policy to avoid migrant abuse and to follow the course of the legislation.
"There has to be an integrated reform that includes a temporary worker program, but also the regularization of those people who are already living in receptor countries," Mexican Foreign Relations Secretary Luis Ernesto Derbez said.
Derbez has called the measure _ which passed the U.S. House of Representatives last month but still must go before the Senate _ "stupid and underhanded," but was somewhat more restrained on Monday, saying "it's not the Mexican government's position to tell the U.S. Senate what to do."
The U.S. proposal has caused widespread resentment in Mexico, where some have accused President Vicente Fox's administration of not being assertive enough in opposing it. Fox has called the bill shameful.
Mexicans working in the United States are a huge source of revenue for Mexico, sending home more than $16 billion in remittances in 2004, Mexico's second largest source of foreign currency after oil exports according to the country's central bank.
Fox's spokesman, Ruben Aguilar, defended the administration's record on Monday, telling reporters that migration has declined in recent years, though official figures show it remains at historically high levels.
Aguilar also said migrants "don't emigrate because they lack work, but rather for a series of other reasons, cultural reasons or better living conditions."
Yeah I know they were da bomb on my ass too...but I was working a lot back then and always on my feet and always walking around....so therefor I justified the heck out of it....LOL BUT to put a bomb in a Starbucks for the sheer purpose of trying to run the place out so local coffee shops can prosper...why...that is just stupid....someone could have been seriously hurt or even killed.....now I know the story doesn't say that that is what has happened here, but then again it does say that this has happened before only on a smaller scale for that purpose. Sad world we live in.......
Explosive Device Defused at San Francisco Starbucks
SAN FRANCISCO (Jan. 10) - Police defused an explosive device found in the bathroom of a Starbucks on Monday. No one was injured.
Authorities were called around 1:15 p.m., after an employee reported finding something suspicious in the store's bathroom. About 100 people were evacuated from the store and apartments above it, and the street was closed to traffic, said Sgt. Neville Gittens.
"This was a good device. If it had exploded, it would have caused injuries or damage," said Gittens, who would not describe its size.
Once the device was disabled at about 2:10 p.m., police allowed people back into the apartment building and reopened the street. The store, located at a busy city intersection, remained closed Monday evening while authorities investigated.
Seattle-based Starbucks declined to provide further details.
In 2003, police said the windows of 17 Starbucks stores were clouded with glue and some of the door locks were jammed. Vandals also posted phony notices purporting to be from Starbucks management announcing the company's intention to abandon some of their San Francisco stores to make room for more locally owned coffee houses.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OK listen I grew up in Texas....one of the biggest migrant states in the US....I have seen first hand how these people come in illegally and take over jobs and homes and eventually towns....they are no better or worse that pests...yes I did call them pests. Listen I watched a company that my grandmother had worked for for years fire every one in the place, and hire all these illegals, then have the BALLS to call back some of the old "white"(not being racists they were all white) workers to come back and train all these mexicans to do their old jobs! LMAO...needless to say NOT ONE person went back. WHY would you go back for 6 weeks and train someone you can't even carry on a conversation with to do your old job? I have watched the store back home that cashes all the laborers checks, and 90% of the guys that come in there are mexicans, when I was a kid it was totally different. I have been in that same store cashing a check and tried to speak with someone who was working there, and had them and two other mexicans start speaking spanish and laughing right in my face....I have a million and one stories like that...NOW do not get me wrong IF you are in this country and you have done it the right way like a lot of others I do know, then hell yeah by all means, you jumped though all the hoops and did it all right you have the right to be here...BUT what pisses me off is the ones that as soon as you yell immigartion they scatter.....and I have seen that too..and they aren't the guilty ones in the deal..it is the people who will hire illegals to do the job so that they can have cheap labor and do not have to provide insurance and such to them.
BUT what gets me about this article is their own goverment instead of being embarassed that their own people are risking life and limb to get the hell out, they get pissed at us for trying to keep them out.....I am amazed at that. Personally if I were the leader of the country instead of being an ass about the US not wanting them here, I would want to be cleaning up my country and getting the bad out so the good could run the show...but then again that is just me!
Mexico Demands U.S. Allow More Immigration
By MARK STEVENSONAssociated Press Writer
MEXICO CITY
Diplomats from Mexico and Central America on Monday demanded guest worker programs and the legalization of undocumented migrants in the United States, while criticizing a U.S. proposal for tougher border enforcement.
Meeting in Mexico's capital, the regional officials pledged to do more to fight migrant trafficking, but indirectly condemned a U.S. bill that would make illegal entry a felony and extend border walls.
"Migrants, regardless of their migratory status, should not be treated like criminals," they said.
The countries represented at the meeting _ including Mexico, Nicaragua, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, Belize and Panama _ created a working group to design a regional policy to avoid migrant abuse and to follow the course of the legislation.
"There has to be an integrated reform that includes a temporary worker program, but also the regularization of those people who are already living in receptor countries," Mexican Foreign Relations Secretary Luis Ernesto Derbez said.
Derbez has called the measure _ which passed the U.S. House of Representatives last month but still must go before the Senate _ "stupid and underhanded," but was somewhat more restrained on Monday, saying "it's not the Mexican government's position to tell the U.S. Senate what to do."
The U.S. proposal has caused widespread resentment in Mexico, where some have accused President Vicente Fox's administration of not being assertive enough in opposing it. Fox has called the bill shameful.
Mexicans working in the United States are a huge source of revenue for Mexico, sending home more than $16 billion in remittances in 2004, Mexico's second largest source of foreign currency after oil exports according to the country's central bank.
Fox's spokesman, Ruben Aguilar, defended the administration's record on Monday, telling reporters that migration has declined in recent years, though official figures show it remains at historically high levels.
Aguilar also said migrants "don't emigrate because they lack work, but rather for a series of other reasons, cultural reasons or better living conditions."
Monday, January 09, 2006
Miffed
You know I am not so sure how pissed I should be at this point. I found out the other day that apparently I pissed someone off enough to have them going around to everyone and trash talking me.....now what did I do to this woman? I have no idea..she has not told me that she is mad at me at all....and hasn't shown that she is pissed to my face. Until I heard that she was shit talking me I didn't have a clue!
This is what I don't get...why do people do this? I learned a while back if I am pissed at someone either say so or keep my mouth shut! I personally do agree with her going off to people that don't really even know me! And on top of the lies I have heard about myself!
I am really pissed about this...I want to confront this woman....REALLY bad, but I don't know if it is a good idea....I am kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to this...either I make my move and find a very very very tactful way of bringing this up or I shut my mouth! I ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
This is what I don't get...why do people do this? I learned a while back if I am pissed at someone either say so or keep my mouth shut! I personally do agree with her going off to people that don't really even know me! And on top of the lies I have heard about myself!
I am really pissed about this...I want to confront this woman....REALLY bad, but I don't know if it is a good idea....I am kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to this...either I make my move and find a very very very tactful way of bringing this up or I shut my mouth! I ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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