Ramblings of Me: July 2006

There is a certain sacrafices you make in a marriage! I think anyone who has been in a relationship knows this.
BUT what happens when one is the giver and the other is the taker? Then the shoe is on the other foot for a moment? Let me tell you what happenes.....The "taker" becomes the "giver" and they tend to expect SO much thanks and praise from the "giver"! When the giver is the one who feels after YEARS and YEARS of giving that one thing can be taken!

Then BOOM it all blows up in the givers face!!!! They all of the sudden become this horrid person! Shit hits the fan and what the giver is expected to deal with on a daily basis is all of the sudden given to someone else. And those other peoples can't handle it!

I Had the time of my life in Green Bay and NOTHING and I mean not one fucking thing will ever take those days away from me! Others on the other hand would love to make me feel like the worlds worst wife and mother for not being around for a while!

Where did I sign up for this? There are other moms that are NEVER around....they work they do things, but when I take 3 days to myself...just to be me....I am a fucking loser!!!! I can't take this...and I won't!

I TOOK a break.....for years I have not had a break...and it was expected of me to do certain things before my break....all was taken care of....at least that is what I thought.....Shit I was wrong.

Zach ended up with a joint bleed that is just awful.....he has to use crutches....Lane has the shittiest attitude that he has ever had, and Shelby, well she is just Shelby!

DJ well apparently he has been sacraficing for me for weeks now. I wasn't aware of any of this.,...he is pissed at me for having to do it! I didn't fuckin know! How was I suppose to know....I stocked his truck and made sure he had all his shit, but I didn't thank him for his sacrafice!

Can you believe that I didn't thank him! Well dear what about all the fucking sacrafices I have made for you! And yano what he said...well what are you sacraficing now? You gotta be kiddin me? I can home early sacraficed one day of freedom and fun to be home with him! HIM to be with HIM! To get my kids a day early because I was feeling guilty for what had happened while I was gone...and what thanks did I fucking get? I didn't!!!!!!!
But to mention that....shit...I am just being a bitch!

I can say this...I am so tried of being the bitch! I am tired of having a thought and being the bitch always.....I am tired of being me and having so many people love me for me, then having to be what he expects of me. And if I say that it is OMG no way I never said that...no you imply it with your words and actions. NO he didn't tell me I couldn't go and yes had it not been for him I wouldn't have been there...I do believe I have publicly made that known. Did I know he was sacraficing? Hell no...OMG he didn't get to eat as much this last week...dont' think that was a sacrafice...he uses his illness as an excuse...granted he needs to eat to deal with his blood sugar, but not like he does....there are many other ways for him to take care of himself...he had to smoke nasty ciggs...well manage your money better!!!! I had less than he did and I am taken care of and PAID BILLS!!!!!! BUT I don't fucking sacrafice!

I say OK well there is this charge on our account....and yes I will admit I was a bitch about it....only because three weeks ago I got my child support check and took MY kids out to eat....and his mom went...I didn't pay for it....I paid for ours!!!! THAT IS IT!!! Well there is a charge to some place in Shawnee and I said where is the Sunrise? He says I don't know I said well you should you spent money there....then he tells me.....then says I am accusing him of something and how dare I say a word to him about going out to eat because I did it! Yeah and I paid for my own!!! And he neglected to tell me...which he is so fucking big on ME Telling him everything I do! Got pissy with me when I went to lunch with his mom...and paid for my own and NOT with his money! I did apologize for how I brought it up! But to get him to understand why I did it that way...well I am always suppose to be the bigger person!!!! WHY Why do I have to be the bigger person!

I can get my fucking heart ripped out and stomped on BUT you better be the bigger person Shannon!!!!! I can get lied to and yelled at and told to fuck off and go to hell.....but I defend myself....no fucking way....you can't! I am falling apart here...and when I say something I am the bitch...he is always vindicated and I am just wrong!!!! How dare I question anything, well hello we are talking about his mom here....OK granted he hasn't done anything "women" wise that she has wanted him to do that I know of, but there are other things that bug me just the same! But how dare I say anything!!!

Here are some pics of my week on the road! We didn't go far so I didn't get many good ones!

This one was taken in KS right after we unloaded......yes I am sorry to say it was a woman driver! And I hate to say it, but I don't think she knew what the heck she was doing...there was plenty of room she just didn't swing it out far enough!

Joplin MO! This is where the Trick My Truck is shot at!

I am not sure if you can actually see this one well or not, but on the truck trailer sitting in the field on I-44 in Oklahoma it says "speed trap ahead"!