Broken

I feel broken these days...I cannot get shit together nothing is turing out right and I can't figure out why!

This has been happening for months now. Feels like ever since we moved here we have been in a hole and we just can't get out of it. I have tried and it looks as if I am going to have to get a job to get us outta this.

I am pretty pissed about the whole thing. Listen I understand being broken by someone. I swear he is acting like he is the ONLY person in the history of man that has been fucked over! HELLLLLLOOOOOOOO I have been fucked over You have been fucked over it happens to all of us. I see now if I dont' do something and quick stuff isn't gonna get done. I am reallyupset with him. Listen I know he is looking but OTR he would have been done with orientation and all that shit by now...and would have been getting paid.

I know why he won't and I can't say I blame him for that..he and the kids have gotten used to one another again and they all like each other again..that is great...BUT what about eating and shit...ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I wanna pull my hair out.

I know right now is a hellofa time to be finding a job around here with the GM plant just closing and such I know these things...and so does he! SHIT I am just upset at all of it.
I could go on and on about who I am upset with really...and it honestly isn't him!

THIS IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE PEOPLE INVOLVED IN THIS:

Please remember me forever
Believe in me as someone
Who's never gonna wish you well

I'm gonna tell you what I think about you in that unforgivable way I do
You're an idiot
And I hate your guts
I guess I'm about as happy for you as I would be a cockroach in my food
I know it's terrible
I really hate you though

Do you have your fairytale life
Or are you dancing to the white trash [trance]
Oh please remember me
Believe in me as someone
Who's never gonna wish you well

I heard the thing that you hate about me almost everyday, but you still wouldn't leave
I had to [bullsh*t] love
Ooh, I hated your guts
And I heard the opposite of love isn't hate
It's indifference
But I can't relate
It's not good enough
Cuz I hate your guts

Did you sell your mediocre mind
You had to find out why you're better off with broader [lines]

CHORUS
Oh please remember me
Believe in me as someone
Who's never gonna wish you well
Oh please remember me
Believe in me as someone
Who wants you to go to hell

You're in me, you're boring
Oh, did you hear me snoring?
I don't mutilate myself when I talk to you
So tell me how did I hope you could tell that I'm no one's pearl
You can have em, go to hell
You're gonna die on us
They're gonna hate your guts

Sunday NASCAR Report

Well well well here we are again. Sunday is upon us….which means the weekly NASCAR report. As most of you know last week was a special week for Kasey Kahne fans….OK well screw them it was me! LOL I love the fact that he won and JR got 3^rd! Awesome MONDAY in our family. Yep that is right…Monday well anyone reading this knows they didn’t get to run till Monday due to rain. Let’s hope we don’t have the same problem this week.

Gotta tell ya a story or two about when I was a kid. My dad was and still is a die hard race fan. This is where I got it. He was such a race fan that he had his own dirt track car….The white and blue Number 7 camero! The old body style. I will never forget the day he brought that junker home. My mom was none to happy and didn’t see how that rusted old junker could be anything but scrape. But he did turn it into a pretty kick ass car…and if I can find the pics of it I will show you sometime. We had a blast growing up at the track. Kaci’s dad raced too in fact I have a photo hanging up in my office of her dads first trophy win. Which was so much fun! This is where my racing roots begin. I just knew I would marry a race car driver, but when you are in the pits knee high ass up in oil tires and mud guys don’t pay much attention to ya! YOU after all are just one of the guys.

Here are some race related pics of my growing up…..

OK WELL THIS IS PISSING ME OFF I CAN"T GET THEM TO UPLOAD...WILL ADD LATER

OK so with that all said I will stop doing my usual rambling and go on with the NASCAR report!

Today’s pole sitter is Tony Stewart. And I may get shot by Judy for saying this, BUT up until last year I really didn’t like him much. That is being honest. Something about him I didn’t like, I respected him for being a good driver but I didn’t like his style or what was being made of out it. Then he climbed the fence after a victory last season and admitted it was hard for an ole fat guy! That made me laugh and I was hooked. Little known Tony fact…he is a staunch supporter of Simpson Racing gear! Won’t wear anything else. Unlike JR who starts today in 19^th position. Not a big fan of where he is starting, but what can ya do? JR is not the driver his dad was at these tracks. But then again NO ONE is as good as Dale Sir at these types of things….but then again that is just what I think! I wasn’t a huge fan of Sr either but just as Gordon or fucking Johnson gotta give credit where credit is due.

My main man is sitting at the 23^rd position. I am not sure what happened maybe got a big head from his back to back wins who knows. I don’t know how he will do today as it sits his stats don’t look good on this track.

Now for the top 10…..

2	16	Greg Biffle
3	99	Carl Edwards
4	6	Mark Martin
5	48	Jimmie Johnson
6	12	Ryan Newman
7	17	Matt Kenseth
8	26	Jamie McMurray
9	2	Kurt Busch
10	19	Jeremy Mayfield

Gregg Biffle Love his commercials….OK driver, wouldn’t mind seeing Carl Edwards do one of those back flips today. In the 4^th position is one of my all time favorites, because yes I am still an old driver fan, Mark Martin…thinking Mark shouldn’t have give up his Viagra gig, was doing much better with an all the time hard on! And sitting right next to him is the man I love to hate but wouldn’t kick his crew chief outta bed for eatin oats!!! LMAO….Chad gets to come back this week…still not admitting any wrong doing….but then again most cheaters don’t admit it!!! The number 48 is a thorn in all sides, but hell what can ya do. Put him in the wall RYAN, who happens to be lined up behind him….The rocket as most people know him as. And all time whinner of the year Matt Kenseth….in the yellow streak. Rounding out the field is another driver I wouldn’t kick outta bed, Jamie Mcmurray, the leprechaun wanna be Kurt Busch and the worst thing to happen to dodge racing Jeremy Mayfield!

My predictions for today are JR will either NOT finish or finish in the back and Kasey will finish in the top 10. As for the winner, well this is Bristol…there is no telling! Let’s hope for no snow!!!! And a good clean (putting Johnson in the wall) race!!!!

Cheeseburger cheeseburger hot fried taters and ice cold coca cola….and maybe a nice cold Colorado kool aid!

Boogity Baby!!!!!

2-0

The McLoud Tigers are 2-0 this season! So far we have won more games than we did last season!!! YAHOOO!!!!!

Here are some pics from the game...which I didn't get many...since I was doa with my batteries...charged them wrong, yes I know stupid!!!

OK that was the best one I had.....now after that was all said and done we went to the car lot where Matt Hardey was at and got to meet him....for those of you who don't know who Matt Hardey is he is a WWE wrestler and our sons are big ole fans. Well we get up there and Lane totally chickens out...so here are the pics of Zach and Shelby meeting him

Look at this.....

Check this link out.....this is quite the interesting story developing.....YEAH YEAH YEAH I know I KNOW a lot of people that don't believe this at all...BUT just take a look at these link! Would love to hear what people have to say.....PLEASE remember no censorship happens here O FUCKIN K! LOL

http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/showbiz.tonight/


Take the poll
view the results

OK there isn't much to report...just same ole bull different day. I am somewhat saddened by how this week has come out and nothing has changed....but then again what do you expect!

HELL YEAH!!!!!!

OH YEAH BABY!!!
Talk about a kick ass day!!!! Well at least for me it was! My man got the pole and the win!!! What a wonderful feeling...so wonderful in fact I damn near cried!!! Kasey won last year in Richmond but I wasn't able to see that race because it was the same weekend as my sons birthday and YES people there are some things I WILL turn the race off for!

http://i.a.cnn.net/nascar/2006/news/headlines/cup/03/20/ams_lede.ap/kahne.vl.384.jpg

I wish like all heck that this would allow me to post pics today but it wont....have no idea why yes I am getting sick of this! Anyways....here goes HE WON HE WON HE WON! And JR got thrid which is very kick ass considering he hasn't done anything for a very long time!
And good ole Jimmy Johnson...well proved to me he is a few hit wonder! LOL I am gonna eat those words I just know it, but hey this week I can be happy!! He got 6th! It was an awfully boring race, proving once again that Tony Stewert isn't the bad guy everyone wants to make him out to be! He ran a good clean race, didn't finish for shit, but there were plenty of times he could have gotten into someone and he didnt he let them go!! YEAH!!!

Anyways...next week it is one of my favorite tracks in Bristol!!! Tune in this sunday to see what the mouth has to say them! LOL Shan

It wouldn't be Sunday untill.......

I post my weekly NASCAR update! Honestly I am really pissed off this week....MY driver get the pole today and I am not going to be home to see this...there is no freaking way Michael is gonna get outta vega early enough for me to get over to Sayre and back here before Noon!! AINT HAPPEN folks! SOOOOO I decide I am going to look it up and see who is carring the race on MRN this week....NO ONE...MRN isn't carring the race this week...XM is...well ok fine....if I had XM I wouldn't have a problem with it! Man this is why I should have just let him bring him all the way home! BUT that would have been under false pretenses and I can't do that! Everyone has said to me why didn't you just let him bring him home and tell him when he was about an hour out that there was no game...because that is a lie and if he did it to me it would have totally pissed me off! I wouldn't want it done to me! SO with all that being said I have a feeling I won't get outta here till around 10 or 11 or hell maybe even noon! SHIT I asked him to make it as early as possible...but ya never know!


SO on to my Nascar rant this week......
As I stated above Kasey Kahne got the pole for the Atlanta race yesI know it is called the Golden Corral 500 but personally I don't think Nascar should allow a place that most people make fun of to sponser a race, when they are trying to better their image! I mean ya got rid of ciggaretts....why not gluttony too? HELLOOOO?

Here is the rest of the top 10

2	12	Ryan Newman
3	31	Jeff Burton
4	43	Bobby Labonte
5	18	J.J. Yeley
6	29	Kevin Harvick
7	11	Denny Hamlin
8	16	Greg Biffle
9	2	Kurt Busch
10	42	Casey Mears

Personally I have nothing against any one of these guys here...they all deserve to be up there. Ryan Newman needs a win something bad! Jeff got a win yesterday in the Busch series which makes him the 4th driver in cup series to win a Busch series race this year, which mean all the Busch guys are gonna start yelling!!! And I can understand why.....Judys two guys are in the top 10 too! I retract her two cars...she is a racing team fan as to where I am a driver fan! LOADS of difference there! Kurt Busch still gives me the creaps ears pinned or not! and GO Casey Mears...about time bud!

This race unlike last weeks race doesn't have anyone qualifying on owners points....looks like Dale Jr qualified all on his own way back there is 26th position! Now As some of you know and anyone who has seen pics of my office or my husband he is a DEVOUT DJ fan! That is all there is too it, but even he is beginning to wonder if the boy wonders luck has run out? If all the commercialisum and BS he deals with on a daily basis has effected his driving ability? Personally I have thought that for a couple of years now but have refrained from saying so due to keeping the peace!
The one driver whom I cannot stand and I think has made a deal with the devil, is Jimmy Johnson (starts 14th today)...now come one folks...his crew chief, who in my humble opinion, is one of the hottest chiefs on the circuit, was caught cheating, has been out for 3 of his 4 races, this one in HOT-Lanta will make his last race he misses, they have won 2 of those races and came in second in one! NOW WHY WERE YOU CHEATING? Come on...I can't stand JJ I really can't, but if you have the car, if you have the driver, why cheat? It is obvious that he has his shit together, so why cheat? Come on Chad...what were ya thinkin? Personally to see him NOT win today would be a blessing for me!!! BUT I dont' wanna take away from anyone elses either. Any of the Hendricks Motor cars.....ANY OF THEM to NOT win today would be awesome!!!! I can't stand them!! Their drivers act as if NASCAR owes them something....guess that is what happens when you are from the west side of the rockies!!!
OK now back to the line up...Good ole Tony, who won over so many fans this past season, this gal included, looks as if he is back to his ole tricks, trying to play the bad boy, which honestly does suit him...but I do have to agree with Judy on this one, ever since Dale Sr died Nascar has needed a new bad boy....well they are doing their best to make it Tony! Calls they should make against him they won't and if anyone retaliates they get them! Now folks I don't think this is right, I like Tony dont get me wrong, if I wasn't married I would REALLY like him, BUT that is beside the point, my point is STOP trying to make him a bad boy and make people love to hate him...You have Jimmy Johnson and Jeff Gordan for that!!!! They should call them the "Brokeback Motor Sports"! HAHAHAH!!!

OK back to reality....Whatever the outcome of this race, I am sure it will not be to my liking, because the one thing I would LOVE to see is a rookie or a one year guy come out and kick ass on this race, now there are some rookies up there that can do it, and there is Kasey up there too, whom last year, I believe it was either here or in Cali had they not have to finish under yellow twice in a row, which I am happy to say NASCAR wised up and realized after how many races finished like that last season...Kasey could have taken Gordan in two of those for sure!!! He was there he was primed and he had the car to do it! It just wasn't his time!!!
Alright folks...enjoy the race today, and think of me having to drive in this shit weather to get my kiddo, which I am happy to do....just not happy about the timing!!! Oh well win some loose some!!! Hasta for now!

Exactly what the blog is titled!

This blog is titled Ramblings of me so that is what you are going to get this morning!

I have a million things on my mind and it is all swirlling around in my head and if I don't get it out my head will explode!

First of all...DJ found a job! NO I am not happy about it. It only pays 10 bucks an hour, and I dont' know about you but 10 bucks an hour doesn't support a family! Especially when you have to drive 35 miles one way to get there every day in a car whose gas mileage is getting worse by the day and the trannie is about to fall out! BUT he doesn't want to go back over the road, so therefore no matter who this turns out, my dream of going back to school is put on hold AGAIN! Because of what he wants. He wants to be around to do the soccer thing with the kids, which I cant help but to think it isn't because of our kids! Since our daughter got about 3 minutes of play time last game and lets see who has been in the yard working with her...hmmm...that would be me! I would show you a pic, BUT LOL He was to busy playing video games to do it! Yeah can ya tell I am not to happy! OK I am truely pissed actually!!!
I have lost all interest in most anything these days....I have played more tetris than any one human should be allowed! I did however make a deal with Judy yesterday that she wouldn't let me back out of the whole school thing... well Judy...it is either go to school, work and figure out when I have time for my kids, my friends and OH yeah taking a bath, or I get a freaking job and pray that my kids dont' get lost in the whole I am tried or I need to get ready for work! Yes I do understand that women do this every day...and I would like to say that he would be there to help me out with it all, but when it comes to doc appts, dentist appts, school teacher confrences, getting them from school when they don't feel well, homework, brushing their teeth, shit like that...ALLL of that is on me! And I LOVE that job! That is my favorite job! Working from home is the perfect job for a medium effected agoraphobic! Yes it has been since Tuesday since I have left the house...oh I take that back I walked to the dumpster yesterday, which BTW is something else that pisses me off....it was just dumped Wednesday, and it is already full, we put one bag of trash in there! I want a new place to live, but there is nothing open around here and it takes cash to move, LMAO like that is something we have!
I am worried that Michael won't show with Zach tomorrow, I have called every day and he doesn't answer his phone! Of course me not being allowed to talk to my son for a week is just great for my state of mind these days! I HATE THAT!! And I dont' know what to do about it! I guess that ONE time when he called and it was after 8pm and Zach was ASLEEP...I guess I get to pay for that over and over and over! I honestly hate people sometimes! Whatever will be will be! I can't change anything at this point!

Then yesterday all hell breaks loose and I am the biggest bitch! But hey whatelse is new! I tell him this job is going to force me to go back to work and in the most pathetic kicking rocks tone he says well I guess Iwill just have to go back over the road so YOU can have your dream! Yeah because that is my way of doing things! ME ME ME...it has always been about ME! Anyone who has known me more than 5 minutes knows that it has NEVER been about me! But he treats me as it is! So fine....what I wantwill wait again! I am in the process of looking for a job that will pay for my gas! Because that is basically all I am qualified to do! MINUS the resturant (see I can't even spell it) business! I can go back to managing again...which will by all means put me in an early grave, but hey as long as he doesn't have to go back OTR!!!! All is well! HE got all pissy with me yesterday because his mother showed up and I am in my office minding my own business and she comes in trying to make small talk which she is only doing because she thinks she has too...and I tell her there is no need in it! I don't need to talk to her about shit I don't care about nor does she have to talk to me just because I am married (and I use that term loosly) to her son! She stomps off out of here...which I honestly don't give a shit! Really I don't! She doesnt' have to talk to me....actually I would prefer for her not to! Yeah that may be sorta bitchy...LMAO but anyone who knows knows it is better for me not to talk to her!
Then I had to burst his bubble about Alaska! ONE there is no treatment center for the boys, two it is to damn expensive to live there...we can't even make it in one of the cheapest places on the planet to live...how are we gonna make it in one of the most expensive? Isn't happening!


OK Now listen....I know that the last few weeks have been so very rough on us...and that stress seems to be pulling us apart....granted shit didn't go down the way it should have! And yes there may be a chance I have been somewhat bitchy! I have my reasons! I won't go into all of them right now! Those in the need to know know!!! And that would be me! LOL And sometimes I dont' think I know what the hell is going on! I know he has been through a lot this last few weeks...and poor him I feel so bad! NOT! I wonder if all the Im so sorrys that went out to him did anyone realize it was ME who put in the hours to do the web site it was me that got all the stuff together for the loan, it was ME who booked all the horses, who BTW I didn't give to either his dad or wayne...I gave them to someone else! Yes I know kinda shitty, but then again what they did was pretty nasty too! It was ME who spent hours and hours doing advertising...lets see what did he do for Family Tradition...yeah thats right...he spent money, he came up with a name, he drove me to the city so I could do the paper work for the LLC, hmmm what else...Oh yea he hounded ME to get shit done! When I said I was heartbroken for him, it is because I feel bad that he had to find out this way what his dad was all about! If anyone got crushed and used in this deal...he did....I agree....who suffered the most....whos to say for me to say it was me would be so selfish...I just want to point out that it was ME that did 99% of the work for Family Tradition! I turned MY bedroom into an office, so that I could have a nice place to work! He isnt here that much, or at least he wasn't, and so I am the one that gave up something. Oh yeah and I put school aside for a while so I could help him get this thing off the ground! And again when I put my foot down saying I want something...it really doesn't matter.

Sometimes I wonder who gives what in this relationship! Who would jump in front of a bullet for who! IT sure doesnt feel like he would for me! Sucks when reality hits you so fucking hard it knocks you down! And that is exactly what has happened to me! Reality set in! And yes Kaci is right, you can only rely 100% on yourself. But I always thought when you are married to someone they are there for you....good, bad and ugly! They are there. They let you shine when it is your turn to shine! BUt I am quickly realizing that it isn't about me...it never has and it never will be! Maybe Anna was right maybe once Lane is old enough I will be able to walk away! Gee for someone who didn't want to turn into her mom I sure am!

There are three little people that come first! I come last when it comes to them, but I thought that maybe once I could come before him! That he would give a little a few months! But that isnt' gonna happen! And to say anything about it I am just being a selfish bitch!
So this selfish bitch is gonna sign off for now! Because rambling is so unbecomming of a bitch!

Lane's Soccer Game

Hey All
I write in green for two reasons...One it is Lanes favorite color and two Green Bay baby!!!

OK here are some pics of lanes soccer game he won also.....they did a great job...loads different than what we do! LOL

This is all three of my kiddos before lanes game!!!!

These are just a few....I took over 300 photos that day! LOL I need to go though them and get the good ones...BTW lane is #20, Zach is #16 and Shelby is #8! Gee wonder why shelby is #8! LOL Hasta Y'all!!!

Soccer Soccer Soccer!

Well as many of you know DJ and I coach a soccer team here! We love it love the kids but more importantly we love our kids and wanted them to have the ability to play! We won our first game on Saturday...3-2 against the team that mopped the floor with us last season 17-1 and one of their 17 was scored by one of our players. Yes it was an awful time! But this year we had a chance and we took it and beat their asses!!! It was awesome! I am posting some pics here...hopefully it won't piss to many parents off which I don't think it will.This is the pre game pep talk and checking of uniforms and such from the refs...whom by the way really need to learn how to speak better english! JMO!!!

This is during the game

Our victory!!!!

It is Sunday Again!

And as an avid race fan you would know that means all things cease when the race comes on!!!! I have to take Zach to Sayre today to meet his father...which is fine BUT it will be done early and it will be done so I can get home and watch the race!

On a wonderful note...my guy #9 Kasey Kahne won the Sams Town 300 in the Busch race yesterday...

Kasey Kahne held off Matt Kenseth and Kevin Harvick for 20 laps, then survived a two-lap shootout with Kenseth Saturday to win the Sam's Town 300 for his fourth Busch Series victory.


OK that was yesterday...lets talk about the hopes for today.....JR needs a win he needs something.....not sure what his main problem has been this season, but hopefully he will pull it out. But from what I see Earnhardt had a less-than-stellar practice run of 168.834 mph and followed that up with an abysmal qualifying session. Earnhardt's run of 163.334 mph failed to make time, and he needed the owner points provisional to start 42nd in the 43-car field. Although Gibbs racing has been kickin ass this season...I look for the DEI cars to make a comeback soon. As for Kaseys chance to win this race, I would have to say that it would be nice to see him back in victory lane with his first cup win...although today he has tougher men to beat!!! On the pole is Gregg Biffle, although not a fan I gotta admit he has shocked me! He is a lot better than I thought he would be. Mr Stewart is in second position, which I believe is going to be the story of his season till it really counts!!!! Jimmy (fuckhead) Johnson makes the second row as does Kyle (not as creepy looking as my brother) Bush. The thrid row is filled with someone I adore and my pick Kasey Kahne and that creepy brother I mentioned above Kurt Bush! Who may I add doesnt' look near as creepy since he got his ear pinned back! Joe Nemechek, Jeff Burton, Matt Kenseith, and Brian Vickers round out the top 10. THe rest of the field is scattered with newbies such as JJ Yeley in the 12th spot, Denny Hamlin in the 16th spot and in 20th the number 7 Jack Daniels car of Clint Bowyer. The rest of the top 10 is pepper with some of the sports best "ole gys" Such as Jeff Gordan in the 13th spot and Dale Jarrett in the 15th position and Mark Martin in the 9th row back. Some of the best in the cup series didn't have a good qualifying run or practice such as Lil E who had to use his points to get in the back row.
So that is the race line up for the day. I will be watching with bells on...this is the first race of the season DJ and I get to watch together, and it sucks because Zach won't be here..which means there is no funning going on about Dale JR and Gordan!!! Oh well...it will still be fun!!!
Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Hot fried taters ICE COLD COCA COLA and some colorado kool aid!!! LETS GO RACIN!!!!!!!

OK I got this off of Jenny Joes Blog! http://ww.noellesmommy.blogspot.com/
And I thought it would be cool to do!!! So here we go!

Get out your handy dandy digital camera, take pics of the following, and
post them on your blog." (and I am also gonna email these to those who don't have my blog! LOL) Or don't care to read it because I say FUCK all the time!



1. your child, SO, or pet sleeping (SO=significant other)
2. your car
3. your favorite beverage
4. your pantry or where you store your food
5. the chair where you spend most of your computer time
6. your bedding (comforter, duvet, quilt, etc.)
7. body of water closest to your house (puddle, stream, pond, lake or ocean)
8. your front door
9. one of your children's favorite toy (if you don't have a child, your favorite toy)
10. the toy you thought your child would love but could give two shits about
11. and finally...a pic of you, taken by you

1. This is the easiest thing for me because I have so many already go to the sleeping post I have on here it is pics of EVERYONE sleeping but I did take a few news ones this morning just for this occasion.,....


This is lil bit....you can't see the heater she is laying in front of but she loves that spot...notice she isn't in her bed?


This is Pennie...she is on Zachs bed because that is where she lives!!! Until 3pm each day!



2. This would be our car....and hopefully with any luck it will last a few more months....


My favorite beverage.......COFFEEE COFFFEEEE LOL



This would be where my fat ass sits all day long! LOL yes it is an awful ugly chair and it used to be really nice but hey you can't win them all and YES that is duct tape!!!! And yes I like my chair that is till it trys to buck me out! LMAO!!!!



Ok now for food...we have food all over the kitchen because the kitchen is no bigger than a prison cell and I had to get creative....so here is our mess of a kitchen...oh man this is gonna totally tell on me for those who know me to see it like this they will realize I am human!!!!

This isn't all of it but you get the idea!
Now my comforter...oh and yes I realize I got a couple of them turned around but this is enough of a pain in the ass without moving it all around so fucking deal with it!!! LOL OK now the comforter...I had to take a pic of it this morning and DJ was still in it...guess this is what he gets for sleeping the day away.




Well I am not going anywhere near the closest body of water ie lake to here because well I don't wanna so if you look real real close....there is a puddle on the road....


Front Door...inside shot because it is cold out there.....



Toys...this is a sore subject for me......because they throw these huge piss fits to have this that and the other and when we get it home...they mess with it for a couple of days MAYBE then POOF they dont care....so the first one is Shelbys TV which she adores....the second one is a freaking doll head she went nuts over....gave up getting new jeans for it. IT was 40 bucks....she has played with it maybe 3 times...it creaps the hell out of me....ARRRR Pisses me offf!!!





Then the boys...well as you can see there is a broke down old barn there with a pair of jeans I told them to clean up this morning which they didn't do...the broke down junker is Lanes favorite toy he has used it for a garage and an army base and who knows what else....The shelf those are Zachs favorite things...this is why they are all on the shelf! Motorcycles and cars and a lot of that he put together himself! And the toy box is full of stuff they NEVER play with but HAD to have!

Ok this is it...the pic of me...and now I have changed my mind I am not going to email it if they don't wanna read the word FORK then so be it! LMAO!!!!

PEOPLE SUCK!!!!

Amazing how quick things change.............

You know how some people say in the region they live in if you don't like the weather stick around and it will change in 5minutes! Well that seems to be my life as well!! Dont' like the way things are going...stick around they will change! Or you like the way things are going...stick around someone will throw a monkey wrench into all of it!!!

Yesterday started out a wonderful day...went and talked to the counselor that I am going to be taking Zach too. She has some inside info into him because his special ed teacher is also her business partner! So things went well there. I am not going to post it here for all to read, if ya wanna know ask me! But lets just say it went well!

Then I get home and DJ has already cleaned up the messes that were made that morning..YAHOO...wonderful!!! He and I and Linus decide to go over to his Dads and take my gun so I can shoot! Yes all I got a gun!!!! And she is a beauty! I will post some pics soon! Trying to get my batteries to recharge! She shoots well very accurate. And Judy, it is a Rossi! Anyways...we get that done, talk a little business...Linus buys a couple of guns off of Monte, which is cool! Fires his 12 gauge and about knocks himself down....I didnt touch it my little .22 is perfect for me right now! Played around with the 357 a little (pistol) and NO Judy I dont know what kind! Sorry....gonna have to learn these things!
Then we come home after making a pit stop at the bank. On the way home a car catches Linus' eye...A New Yorker I believe....says on the window no title $300.00! So after we get home and eat they decide to go look at the car and get some groceries for supper.

Time passes they had left at 3pm and by 6 the kids are like hey we want supper it is getting late and we are starving!!! OK So I call DJ and he and Linus are getting the car! Kick ass he needs a car...(we won't go into all that right now) And he says some shit has happened and we need to talk! OK well I guess what is going on! Wayne came and took the trailer.

OK Let me back up to Oct....when this whole deal was set in motion! Monte bought the truck, Wayne provided the trailer. DJ drove it, made 45% of the transport AFTER expenses! The other men involved for doing NOTHING other than supplying the equipment, get 55% which Wayne apparently a few months ago starts bitching because he isn't getting! Well he must have short term, because they decided to let that money go back into the truck account so it can float itself. OK when he got this trailer, he(DJ) has put an entire set of tires and wheels on this thing in the past 6 months. The Axle was bent..and a spindle spun...got all that fixed....some panels and windows were fucked up on it....fixed them! ALL of this the truck has paid for NOT Wayne NOT Monte...the truck...DJ has dealt with all the breakdowns and flats and blowouts! That is all beside the point...well actually no it isnt!
Because as DJ and Linus pull up over at his dads house yesterday evening Wayne was leaving with the trailer. Coming over there saying that he was gonna take it to get it washed knowing full well DJ was on his way over there this morning to take it to get it washed! Then he proceeds to tell Monte that he thinks he has his truck and that trailer sold! Not telling anyone what he was doing just doing it! Didn't say a fucking word to DJ about it....wouldn't talk to him! Fine fucker...we had an idea this was gonna happen so we came up with a back up on that.
BUT you would think all is well then...one partner out of the pic....NOPE....doesnt work that way....apparently Wayne was looking and measuring the truck, which he does not own, for a 2 inch ball...which would fit his newer trailer that he isn't selling! So DJ flat out asks Monte more than once what the fuck! Doesn't get an answer other than if you are gonna buy this truck you had better get it done!!!!!! He said do it guick because I wanna see Wayne squirm! What the fuck...is there a back door deal going on that none of us know about? And where the fuck was Brenda and her big ass mouth at this time? When something like this is going on...OMG had DJ pulled this shit on Wayne they would have been on him like flies on shit! Telling him how wrong it was and blah but We think there was another deal made when the truck was bought and that no one decided to tell us about it! I don't think they realized how serious we were about the whole fucking thing!
SO instead of getting so pissed I can't see straight...which is what he expected me to do...which is what I wanna do I Wanna tell all of them to fuck off...which I can't do just yet! We are going to gather up all paperwork and go to the bank tomorrow and get this bought!!! This is getting to the point that it is what is gonna have to happen! We are going to go to his dads banker who knows the ins and outs of the business. That way we don't have to worry about trying to explain it to her. THAT AND We have something backing us his dad never had. DJ has a CDL and this is a big truck and if horses can't be moved...he can move freight with it! So it is not just gonna sit if no one has any horses moving! It can work both ways! We have already shown how serious we are with the whole getting out LLC number and today I am gonna work on a DOT number.
ANy feed back from anyone at this point would be great! And BTW I am not in kill mode yet...but you bet your sweet asses when that truck is in our name and that check has been cashed and the titles have been signed over....I am gonna start asking questions...I doubt I will get the honest answers BUT I am gonna ask! I am gonna make them look us in the face and either lie bold face and have to live with themselves OR tell the truth for a change!
I am peeved...but I am gonna use that to make sure THEY don't win.,..and if you wanna know who THEY are please by all means ask I will tell ya but I am not putting it here!!!


OK NOW that that is all said and done I am gonna go! I have a million things to get done today!!! Love to all!! Wish us luck and maybe some prayers!!!! Shan

This week.......

This is gonna be long so be prepared!

OK I already wrote this part of it for something else BUT I will elaborate if needed!

It started last Thursday...My ex calls and says I am coming to get Zach tomorrow evening I say OK it is his weekend no biggie! He asks if I can meet him half way to pick him up on Sunday...I say no I don't think so but we will talk about it tomorrow when you pick him up! OK well Friday came along he picked him up and said nothing about half way so I assumed (my mistake) that he was going to bring him home, after all they just bought a brand new $40,000 car they can do it! Sat comes and goes I hear nothing from them, leave them both messages to have Zach call me...and of course nothing! Sunday morning 9am he calls and says well we are about ready to leave where do you wanna meet...I said I am not meeting you I already told you that! Well he gives me a few choice words and says I will call you back! Well after calling every 30 minutes from noon to 8PM I hear nothing! I leave message after message after message! I hear nothing! Mind you they are suppose to bring him in from Texas....I was starting to get worried! So finally at 8:30 that night his wife calls...and says Where have you been we have been waiting for you all day! &*&*(#$#(*#*(&(* Anyways...I blew....the custody papers were rewritten and I am suppose to come and get him in Texas...OK fine but that wasn't the agreement...LONG LONG story short...HE wouldn't get on the phone...SHE wouldn't let me talk to my son. Per our agreement I can have anyone pick Zach up and SHE wasn't gonna allow it! So I called the cops and a cop and my aunt went over there and got him. With the cop telling my sons step mother that if they don't release him they would be charged with kidnapping! So you can imagine how much of a BITCH I am now! I get him back the next day....my aunt met me half way with him...which I didn't want to have to do because my trannie is going out in my car! BUT I did it! After this woman, says I am not a good mom and I should not have had his father pay child support (BTW it is 117 a month) if I had not gone after him for child support then this would not be happening! OH and another thing, after I talked to the cop...he (the cop) said it was a pretty chicken shit move on their part and from what Zach told me the cop said that to them!
Well that made that LONG ASS story a whole lot shorter! Basically they messed up and they are gonna pay for it! I know there is a chance they could come across this blog so if anyone wants to know more than this then by all means email me and I will tell ya! But I am not gonna post my plans here! But if you know me any at all you know how nice I have been to these people! As Exs go....I could have been a huge bitch to them and messed with them and blah...BUT in the best interest of all involved INCLUDING and ESPECIALLY Zach I haven't done that! Besides...Michael and I were never meant to be together forever and I am the one that walked away from him knowing full well all the complications that there would be and I did it anyway! I am the one that told him to finally marry that thing he is married to now! I am the one who stood up for him in court and I am the one that has made sure that his son doesn't hate him! Zach and I have had lots and lots of conversations about why he shouldn't be mad at his father! BUT I am still the worthless non caring dont give a shit about my son MOM! SO fine....I know they feel the same way so be it....paperwork and witness say it all!

OK now after I get him home on Monday I gotta drive back over to DJs dads and pick him up....fine no biggie....then we go eat, come home and the converstion is had about Linus (keith) staying with us for a couple of weeks till he has enough money to get in his own place...OK fine...but honestly I am rethinking that one because I realize just how private of a person I am and I am a creature of habit and I dont like people! PERIOD DOT! Anyways...I will work though that and I am sure things will not last long!

Then after all this I realize just how hurt I am not pissed at the way someone handled this entire situation! With knowing what Michael and Jamie were pulling and not picking up the phone and calling me and saying hey you didnt' hear this from me but this is what is going on! I am not pissed about it...I wanted to be but I had to be honest with myself and realize it wasn't anger...I was hurt...still am somewhat! BUT anyways...she and I talked and all is worked out! At least for now! LOL (just kidding YOU know who)

SO then the whole desk thing happened! ARRR that was a mess...fun when it was all said and done! Then we go get our LLC this week and do some car shopping which I HATE HATE HATE I can't stand carsalesman! They piss me off! They treat you like you are a fucking idiot helpless woman...I cant' stand that!!! I actually had one ask me one time well does your husband know where you are? I walked away! Wrote a NASTY letter to his boss and his bosses boss and come to find out the head of the entire thing A WOMAN! That ass got fired!!!! YAHOOO!!!!!

Then yesterday I work my ass off trying to get soccer stuff done and work on top of that...my trip I am planning for DJ is falling apart (wink judy) and I am trying to get something else working for him! We go put 5 bucks in the slots at the casino which is about 5 miles from our house...shoot I dont' think it is even that far....and I won 8 bucks back and Linus wouldn't hurry up so I ended up putting my cash back in and loosing my rear end! OH well it was fun!

Then I had a meeting with the kids special ed teacher and have decided that I am putting Zach in threapy! That is a long story I won't go into but it is needed! Again if ya wanna know email I will tell ya!
Nice meeting...he was on the phone half of the time I was there but we did talk and Shelby is kickin ass and doing great! Mainstream minus reading by the end of the year!

Well....I have to get breakfast made and get busy....gonna clean the shit out of this house today..TOP TO BOTTOM FRONT TO BACK! I am getting so sick from being in here...and I KNOW it isn't as bad as some *wink Kaci* but it bugs the shit out of me!

OK I am gonna go! Love to you all!!! Man how I miss so many of you! Maybe a trip to Vega would be nice minus the fact that is where his father lives and I have no desire to be around anything that has to do with them at this moment!!!
HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND ALL!!! I am going to try to finish the story sometimes this weekend!!! Shannon

Stranger in the World

As many of you know I have spent the better part of my adult life married. Married to someone that NO ONE would have ever put me with...LMAO I wouldn't have put me with!
With all that said...he isn't that bad of a person, and does whatever it takes to make me happy! But I also learned years ago that I cannot expect him to be like me because he isn't! He is content with his world! I on the other hand have always felt like I dont belong! Those of you who know me best know how this has been a struggle for me.
I tend to over think everything and when I don't over think it I under think it! Like I told DJ yesterday if the world worked the way I think it should...well we would be in much better shape! All of us would! BUT since being a world leader is such a stressful job and a job that requires you get on a plane and leave the confines and comforts of home more than you stay there that isn't gonna be me!
SO the only world I have some control over is my own that I live in!

With all that said....I have been having a hard time with my world as of late. I wished this was some sort of brain fart PMS bull shit that I would get over quickly...BUT it isn't! Been over the PMS for a week or two now and I still feel the same, and had to admit I was feeling this way WAY before the lastest bout of PMS....SO with all that said
I am seriously unhappy with the way life is going and I have to stand up and change it...how exactly I am gonna do that...I don't know yet. I want to be happy...I want that contentment that I see in him and how happy he is....right now...I don't have it and I have been searching for it!

I once had a wise man tell me that I was searching for the impossible, Perfection, and unless I think I have it I won't ever truly be happy! And ya know what he is right! I have spent my entire life trying to be the perfect everything, child, wife, mom, friend, person! Because that is what was expected from me for a while from my mother...then that fell to the way side BUT I pick up on it! If I am not perfect at it all I am shit! And I have done this to myself!!!! I have to be the best of the best of the best! STUPID as it sounds if that isn't the case I feel like a faluire! And failing isn't an option!

SO I am not going to do this to myself anymore. I am gonna stand up and change things....starting with this fucking house! I hate this house...BUT it is affordable and I can manage it...just gotta figure out how! So today starts the day when I transform this house back into MY HOME! There is crap everywhere because I haven't taken the time to clean anything or do laundry in a week or anything like that. That is what happens when you get yourself in that depressed funk and can't break out! SO beginning today I will no longer feel like I don't belong in my own home! I think that is a great place to start!
We have a guy, Keith aka Linus staying with us...which is fine....because it is only a couple of weeks till his house is ready! And I am ok with that...BUT DJ and I need to have some alone time and no not to have sex...there just hasn't been on conversation we have had that hasn't been monitered by someone else as of late! That pisses me off...as most of you know I am a very private person...and I don't share well with others! That is just the honest truth! OK with all this said....

Back to the stranger of the world....Kaci was telling me yesterday not to feel like I can't say a lot about some things like drugs and alcohol abuse because I have never done drugs, Ok well I smoked pot before my kids were born, and I can drink like a fish, BUT I dont' drink that much! I have a complex with it since it was beginning to get out of hand and DJ said I was acting like my mom...and everyone took cover...which I didn't get pissed, he was right, I was acting like her! So I backed off...and in the last well I can't say year before still a year ago we were living in Adrian and I was drinking every night almost! But since we have been in OK I can count on one hand how many times I have drank and I have gotten just plum ass shit faced no times since we have been here! I think I am needing that release! That blow off some steam, but as with everything I am an over thinker and I think there are only a few people I can get that shit faced with! And NONE of them live here! DJ doesnt drink, Keith aka Linus likes to drink, but I gotta have someone I can conversate with and well anyways.....Kaci isn't here...Denise isn't here...Shane isn't here...Anna isn't here...so therefore most of my drinking buds are not here...therefore I don't do it! BUT Kaci is coming I know for sure the week of the 27th because we are going to the Aerosmith concert....and I know we will be doing some drinking then!
OK somehow this went from feeling alone in the world to I need to get drunk! LMAO>....which isnt necessarly the truth! Companionship from people I care about and like to spend time with is something I am really needing!

And the whole not feeling like I belong....well that is a feeling I have had to get used to....feeling like the freak of the group....that is normal for me....I hate it I can't stand it...but it is normal for me to feel totally out of place! That is what makes me me! I have another post I wanna do about age and how it changes a person...but right now I gotta go! TTYahllS Shan

My day.....

I know I am not as agoraphobic as it gets...I do believe that has to do with DJ and the kids...I am forced out of the house on days when I wanna hide and not even look out the window.....yesterday was one of those days....we got to the capitol...which anyone who knows me knows it is so very hard for me to keep my mouth shut about how much BS you gotta go though when going to the capitol...security guards running around following you around...blah blah blah...anyways I won't go into it....

BUT what we did get accomplished was something that brought anxiety and tears to my eyes...along with a sense of pride.....We went and registered our company as a Limited Liability Company! See the document.....

So there it is....WOW huh! Then we came home...had an ordeal with the damn thing getting it in the frame and all that good stuff...and I had to take down a poem I wrote for him on our anniversary last year and he didn't even know what it was and said he had never seen it...so as you can imagine that didn't go over well...of course I did the Shannon thing and pretended that it didn't bother me in the least....he said sorry...I said No problem whatever....I mean it has just been hanging in our house since the day I wrote it but hell what does it matter! MEN! That is what I will chalk it up to! MEN!!!!!!!

Then we had soccer practice, which isn't something we had planned on doing. It was raining pretty hard, Lanes coach called and said they weren't having practice...which was fine....we were still gonna have to go down and get some paperwork and money from everyone...which was fine then all the kids had decided they wanted to practice...which was fine...except we had left Lane and Zach at home with Keith....so Zach missed practice...but I took a few photos...Gonna post them after I get permission from parents to post pics of their kids! I don't wanna post them and then it come back to bite me on the ass! Not a good idea! I will however have pics of my kids all uniformed out this week sometime. Not sure when Lanes uniform is coming in but hopefully soon!
Well I gotta run! TTTYS Shan

the makings of a new office!

Yes I know some of you are saying what the hell did she do this time! LOL Well....as some of you know this past weekend I wigged out looking for a CD with this past dec and jan pics of it...since they are mostly Christmas and the building of the shop! They are of some importance....so this is what I did to the office in the process of looking for 1 yes count them 1 CD.....

Ok there is teh half assed finished product....see the desk and the tape around the leg...well that was done when I moved it in here...I have been very careful not to mess that up....well yesterday morning...I got bucked off my chair grabbed the desk..moniter came down on top of me with the desk coming apart! Yes I know shotty equipment! Well I said that is it...almost dying because this 500 pound moniter fell on me and almost being thrown through the window, and folks that was the second time that had happened....that was it I was finished. I told DJ I need a new desk...when I type the whole damn things shakes and something is gonna get broken, if I dont get a new one soon. So it is either fork out the 70 bucks for a new desk or 500 more for a new computer! He went for the desk.....went and picked it up for me yesterday...now what you all get to see is the finished product....what it came in was a box with a million little freaking pieces and I ME I put it all together...DJ tried putting the book shelf that came with it together and it just wasn't working for him...so after 4 exhausting hours I finally got the old one out..and the new one built and in the room...ok well I cheated I put half together in front of the air conditioner, because it was hot as hades here yesterday and the rest in the office....So this is the finished product.....






yes I know there is a lamp on the chair...I can't figure out where to put the damn thing. Oh and I did get a filing cabinet after all! didnt want one....but I got one...now I have no excuse as to why paper work is stacked all over the house! DAMN!!! LOL Tis ok...what is done is done! NOW I have to get my booty in here to get it all filed away! He even bought file folder...isn't he a sweetie! Like his ass is gonna be in here doing any of it but whatever!!!

Well it is off to the city for us today



Down to the ole Capitol building


Gonna go do the LLC thing today and maybe go look at new cars, which I am not to happy with and I don't wanna be in the fucking city all day but I suppose some attention from his wife is what he is looking for....and then we have fucking soccer practice tonight which I am not looking forward to either....oh well...well I better go before it gets to late in the AM to enjoy my time!!! Not that this hasn't been enjoyable just gotta run! Love to all have a wonderful day! Shan

This is Cool

Hello All,
Yes I know I havent been around much lately...well since Sunday...there was a lot of action in my home that day and none of it had to do with the race. Although candy ass Matt Kensith (no I dont think that is the correct spelling) beat out Jimmy Johnson for the win, still I wasn't impressed with the whole thing! But hey win some lose some and some are just plain borning as hell!
I could go into what happened here on Sunday but I won't! If ya wanna know by all means ask....if you already know then you know why I will not comment in a public forum about it!

OK now to the good stuff....Jenny Joe had this on her blog, http://ww.noellesmommy.blogspot.com/
So I went and did it with mine and it was a lot of fun. It is a blog cloud....just read the web site I don't know how to explain it.....see what happens!!!
http://www.snapshirts.com/custom.php

This is how mine turned out...with one minor exception....I have to say I use the word fuck a lot and it would not generate it! Imagine that!!! Oh well enjoy! I am off to the city today to get the LLC done and maybe quite possibly look at another car...just LOOK....if I can find something that is in better shape than mine and can hold the same amount of stuff and kids and dogs, and all that good stuff and gets the same if not better gas mileage...then I am gonna think about it! LOL You know me...I would still have my first car if I could! Anyways...enjoy and will talk to you all later. Roger Wilco!